Birthday Boy

Six years ago today my youngest child was born. He was the third in our trilogy of children. He has been such a precious little joy. I had known how fun it was to have girls but he showed me how fun it could be to have a boy. I can't imagine life without him now. He is the little joker that keeps us all laughing. And he's Daddy's biggest wrestling fan. I love the little guy! He's my baby and I suppose he will always be that to me. He is growing up too fast. I love who he has become. I look forward to watching him grow into manhood but I'm glad that's still a long way off.

Happy Birthday Little Mister! I love you.

My Hair

You know that verse that talks about hair being the woman's glory? Well, lately, my hair has been my shame. I am trying desperately to grow it out but it's driving me CRAZY!!! So this morning I decided to try something different. I plugged in my hot sticks (only those from the 80's know what these are) and set my hair to super curly.

I had just taken the rollers out when my eldest daughter walked in and exclaimed, "What did you do to your hair?!" I curled it, thank you very much! Since I hadn't combed it out yet, I decided to do so. It was quite curly, like Annie. My little boy walked in and yelled, "Ahhh!" My middle daughter saw me and said, "Mom, your hair looks like a grandma."

Okay people, that is it! I'm cutting my hair. Here are a few styles to choose from:

A. Gotta love Sissel!

B.


In my desperation, I'm actually considering this:
C.


This is what I was working towards, or something like it, before my meltdown:
D.

Perspective

Today has been a day of putting things into perspective. My husband had a close call with death this morning. He is not hurt, but he could have been. I am so thankful right now that everything is okay. It definitely has given me lots to think about.

There is a part of me that loves thinking I'm in control. It's very disconcerting when I realize, once again, that I'm not in control. I find it ironic that lately my biggest issue in my spiritual walk has been the issue of trust. Do I trust God even when things don't go my way? Can I trust Him to be good even when it all looks bad?

I think the answer to that goes back and forth throughout my life. I'm glad that the Christian walk is just that, a walk. I can fall down and get back up. I can walk slower through the difficult passages and faster when it's easy. Maybe my faith doesn't waiver that much after all. Perhaps, it's just adjusting to the climate around it. I don't mean that it changes, just that it slows or quickens depending on the difficulty of the hike. The main point is that I keep walking.

Speaking of walking, I will give you an update on my addiction. This last week has been very difficult to stay on track. I've found myself cramming my mouth and then recognizing that I wasn't hungry. There were moments of growth when I quickly put the food away and decided to wait until I was really hungry. Then there were times where I stuffed my mouth even faster and felt guilty afterwards. For the most part, I believe I'm remembering to slow down and not overeat. But I still covet your prayers. I'm a toddler that can walk a few more steps before she falls. I'm hoping to take off soon but it may well be a long time before I'm running.

Starting Again

Today was our first day of school. Aren't they sweet?

Party, Party!

We are having my son's birthday party today. It's a swim party at our neighborhood swimming pool. We made these cupcakes with blue icing and sprinkles. He wanted to have a Nemo theme so this is my cheap version of a Nemo cake. I made the fish stencil out of felt-ish type paper. It was fun decorating the cupcakes and my birthday boy loved adding the sprinkles! :)

My Addiction

I have an addiction to food. I'm not joking.

Three weeks ago, I asked God to show me why I have such a drive to eat. Even when I want to lose weight and stay on a diet, my mind is consumed with food. He showed me that it is a god to me. I turn to chocolate for comfort, coffee for strength, and chips when I feel lonely. Of course, there is nothing morally wrong about those foods. What's bad is that my heart longs for those things more than desiring God. Food seems safer. At least that's how it feels, yet I know in my mind that's not true. If you're thinking, "Why is she making such a mountain out of this?" I'll show you a few of the verses that brought me to this conclusion:

Job 23:12b "I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my daily bread."

Prov. 23:2 "and put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony."

Phil. 3:19 "Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things."

It sounds silly, but letting go of my comfort food feels like saying goodbye to an old friend. It's been difficult. In trying not to be a glutton, I've been making myself wait until I'm hungry to eat. Novel idea, I know. But before now, I would not have worried about being hungry. I ate regardless. I'm also trying not to overeat. It's been hard because I'm not used to it. So I've tried reading Scripture in lue of grabbing more food. I am still far away from turning my obsession with food back to affection for God, but I'm learning. Ironically, not only am I knowing God more deeply, but an added side effect is that I'm losing weight. Could it be that the "no gluttony" stuff is for our benefit? God has good ideas.

Justice

I read through the whole book of Habbakuk this week. It made me think quite a lot. The thing that started to dawn on me was that suffering and violence is not new. Okay, I know that's elementary. But I mean, that in Bible times it was not uncommon to wipe out complete groups of people. In fact, that would be the goal. God even directed it at times. Well, He's soverign so I guess that means He always directs it. But, I won't tackle that subject today.

As I've said before, I have struggled with recent annilations, like the Holocaust, Cambodia, Rwanda and others. Reading through Scripture, there is always a reason for these horrible moments. It seems to be discipline at times, blood for blood type of thing. At other times, it happens for the sake of freedom, letting the slaved ones go free and having to kill to make that happen. Okay, I'm no theologian. I cannot expound too much; there may be countless reasons. I'm just saying what I've gleaned.

So, perhaps these recent times should not be so surprising. Even in Habbakuk when God explains how the Babylonians are going to overcome them and destroy them; Habbakuk questions why there is no judgement on the Babylonians. God explains that their day is coming for punishment in all that they have done.

So there is a reason in all the madness. It just may not always be clear to me. But Habbakuk impresses me with his faithfulness. He continues to understand the awesomeness of God in the midst of knowing such horrible news. He praises Him and recognizes that He is God and the one to make the decisions. I'm amazed. I would have been arguing or whining! "But God...How come? That's not fair!"

In our "get-everything-we-want-when-we-want-it" society, I think it's incredibly hard to grasp why anything bad should have to happen to us. Isn't it our "right" to be okay? However, on the flip side, if unjustice has been done to me then I want violence! If someone ever hurt my kids, I would them to pay to the fullest extent. Perhaps that's the side in God's thinking that I don't ever see.

WHY?

Last week my husband and I watched a movie called Sometimes in April. It's the story of a man who survived the brutal genecide in Rwanda, Africa but lost many of the people he loved during that horrific month. I'll have to say that after watching it two things really bothered me. One, that I didn't know much about it and it happened in 1994. Two, that it happened and God didn't stop it.

I laid in bed that night tossing and turning; crying and wondering; praying and pleading with God. WHY?! Why does stuff like that have to happen? I have read several heart-renching stories of Hitler survivers and also some about Cambodian survivors of the Killing Fields. All of these stories have one element in them that makes my heart shudder. People can be unbelievably evil and cruel. If I didn't know it already, I do now. Joseph Stalin said, "One death is a tragedy; a million is a statistic."

I hate that quote because I know it's true. If someone near me dies then I'm filled with compassion. But if a million people are massacred across the world I don't even notice. That's why I think that documentaries and movies are so important to tell a story from one person's perspective. THEN it hits home.

But all this comes back to my title. Why? This morning in church the speaker, Mark Riddle, read from Habakkuk and it was as if he was reading what I'd cried to God this week. I'll have to be honest that just seeing someone in the Bible struggle like I'm struggling is always refreshing. I think that's why I love Psalms so much.

His first cry is this:
2 How long, O LORD, must I call for help,
but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, "Violence!"
but you do not save?

3 Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrong?
Destruction and violence are before me;
there is strife, and conflict abounds.

4 Therefore the law is paralyzed,
and justice never prevails.
The wicked hem in the righteous,
so that justice is perverted.

Then when God answers, it's not the answer Habakkuk wants. But he doesn't lose his faith. Sometimes I feel so faithless. We're studying the book of Habakkuk for the next few weeks. I'm glad. I think I need a little shot of faith.

Everything

I know that probably in this song she is speaking to her fans, but when I hear it I think of my husband and even more so, of God.

I didn't MAKE this mess!!

Today I woke up raring to go. I got myself ready, and started off my day with To-Do list in hand. First on the list was cleaning out Little Lady and Little Mister's room and to get Little Miss cleaning her own room (being that she's older and doesn't need as much help). Lady and Mister's room was one HUGE mess. I had not been checking it so I hadn't thought it would be too bad. First mistake. You know what they say about assuming?

Well, it started off fine. They were happy I was in there. They like it when I help them get things back in order. However, by lunch time they were begging for a break. I gave them a lunch break and then started cracking the whip again. I began to notice that every time I stepped out of the room to put something away or to get a cleaning tool, Little Lady would whine that I wasn't helping. Then she was whining that I was cleaning more of the other siblings things. Eventually they were all whining. "We've worked ALL DAY." "Why do we have to do this?" "Yeah, why don't we get a break?" "Why aren't you helping me?" "How come WE have to put it all away?"

Grrr! I was sweating. I was tired. I had HAD it. "Why?" I said. "You want to know why YOU have to do it?"

They all sat anxiously awaiting my explaination.

"Because YOU MADE THE MESS!!!!"

Needless to say, breaktime didn't come around again for awhile. Except for me. I took a good, long water break.

And This Little Piggy Came Home!

I'm home again after a great visit with family last week. My poor sister survived her gall bladder surgery and was a great patient. Over the weekend, we had a fun time visiting with my parents and celebrating Mom's birthday. That woman is timeless! I hope I got those genes.

When I arrived home tired and happy, my amazing husband had the house sparkling and laundry finished. Talk about a Sweetie! I was glad to see him. :)

I'm reading a wonderful book right now that I'll have to do a review on when I'm finished. Sorry this isn't a meatier blog but I'm too tired to write much. Hope you are all having a great day in blogland!

Cool Drink for a Hot, Hot Day

For those of you who don't know, I love coffee. My husband worked at Starbucks for awhile and I was in coffee heaven! :) I HAVE to have my coffee in the morning; it's my wake-up juice. I'll even drink it on a hot day like today (107 degrees to be exact) and I was perspiring ur, I mean, glowing. However, having a frozen coffee drink is so much more refreshing. So here is a recipe for all those coffee drinkers out there that are too hot to drink it today:

(Recipe and kitchen tip are taken from Miserly Meals by Jonni McCoy)

COFFEECCINO

1 1/2 cups cold coffee (decaf or regular)
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup sugar
1 tsp. Chocolate Syrup
1/4 tsp. vanilla
3 cups ice cubes

Place all of the ingredients in a blender. Cover and blend on high speed until the ice is crushed and the mixture is smooth. Pour into tall glasses and enjoy!

Variations: Add 2 T. caramel ice cream topping to the drink before blending, and/or top with whipped cream before serving.

Cost per serving (1 1/3 cups): $.08 [Better price than Starbucks, eh?]

Kitchen Tip
If you make EXTRA COFFEE, don't throw it away; keep it fo another recipe. You can refrigerate coffee in a covered jar for one month or freeze it for up to six months. Freeze it in a plastic container or in ice cube trays for easy use.

Always on Your Side

God has been showing me many things lately. He has shown me incredible grace during this last week. This song resonated with me. Maybe it doesn't match exactly to my circumstance, but I love it anyway. Supermom and Bttrfly, I send this out to you. Here are the lyrics:

"Always On Your Side"

My yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away
But every now and then you come to mind
Cause you were always waiting to be picked to play the game
But when your name was called, you found a place to hide
When you knew that I was always on your side

Well everything was easy then, so sweet and innocent
But my demons and my angels reappeared
Leavin' all the traces of the man you thought I'd be
Too afraid to hear the words I'd always feared
Leavin' you with only questions all these years

But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally
This isn't how it's really meant to be
No it isn't how it's really meant to be

Well they say that love is in the air, but never is it clear,
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, and so they fly away
And I'm left to carry on and wonder why
Even through it all, I'm always on your side

But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally
This isn't how it's really meant to be
No it isn't how it's really meant to be

Well they say that love is in the air, never is it clear
How to pull it close and make it stay
If butterflies are free to fly, why do they fly away
Leavin' me to carry on and wonder why
Was it you that kept me wondering through this life
When you know that I was always on your side

Just Give Me A Formula!!

I have definitely felt some moments of desperation lately with my parenting. Slowly God has been revealing to me that our problems are rooted in me. I would rather Him just give me three steps to make really great kids and be done with it. But unfortunately, it doesn't work like that. These problems are bound inside my heart and they demonstrate themselves through me and then reflect in my children. Those sweet little mirrors.

Submit. Man, how I love and hate that word! In my head I know that submitting to God is taking the pathway of peace. But in my heart is another path I like to take. The I-Know-Best path. I am such a control freak. I didn't think I was, but it's come bubbling to the surface through all this struggling. Yuck!

I want control of my husband, kids, family, friends, etc. It's not that I truly believe myself to be the most intelligent person in the world but I guess I must think fairly highly of myself since I always want things done MY way. Or maybe that's just selfishness.

Okay, I'm almost finished with my rant. One thing that has been so wonderful about this "working through" is that I am beginning to see my need for rest. That resting in Him that settles me. It's that moment of being held by a loved one through a turbulent time; it calms me. I wish I could stay there and never get up. Maybe the process is just learning to get back there and stay a little longer each time.

So, I'm beginning to see that as God parents me, so must I parent my children. I can't teach them what I haven't allowed God to teach me.

Why I Love Avril Lavigne!

I know that I will probably get some rebuttals on this, but I can't help it. I love the passion with which the girl sings. The fact that she writes all her own music. The depth of her lyrics. Her honesty. Her anger.

I know that anger is an odd thing to love about a person, but I do. I can be an angry woman sometimes. I hate that the world isn't perfect. I want the garden of Eden. NOT the remnants! I want to live in perfection. NOT have to BE perfect. I want to be passionate. NOT fearful.

If I were only forty pounds lighter and twenty years younger, I might go on the road with my angry songs.

For Want of a Mentor

I have been thinking lately that I need a mentor. You know, someone ahead of me in the game of life that will walk me through what's coming. Someone whose children my little ones could look up to. I need that wife, mother, and friend that could admonish me to be everything God wants. I want them to be like-minded. Is that so bad? Not that they have to think everything that I do, but that we see major things in life through the same lense.

I don't mean to sound ungrateful. I have many wonderful friends and family members who love me, inspire me and journey with me. But most of us are peers. And there is something to be said about that older woman, living in the same town, that could show me things that I don't know. Or even challenge me when they see weakness in my life.

Since we are part of a church plant, many of our members are young. I love that. They add vitality and life to our tiny congregation. BUT, that makes me one of the oldest women in our church. I don't feel particularly suited for that. :) It's not a bad fact, it's just a fact. I guess lately I've noticed my need for guidance more than ever and I'm feeling desperate. So, I've started praying for a mentor. Isn't it funny that being desperate always leads to prayer? I guess I should have started praying BEFORE I was desperate. Oh well...

Camp GonnaWannaFLY

Today was our second day in Camp GonnaWannaFLY. Yes, I know it sounds cheesy, but it's working! It's a great idea from Flylady (yes, I'm talking about her again). We are working on our morning routine and evening routine. Everyday that we acheive the routines withOUT reminders, we have something fun we get to do. I talked with my kids on Saturday, we voted on the ideas and we made a list.

Sunday: Arts and Crafts
Monday: Skating Rink
Tuesday: Backwards Day/Sprinkler Park
Wednesday: Library
Thursday: Swimming
Friday: Scavenger Hunt
Saturday: Games

It is working wonders for me and the kids because no one wants to have to sit out on the fun. I'll admit that the skating rink today definitely took me back! At first I was all mothering and making sure Little Mister could skate without killing himself. But after he got the hang of things, I took off to race my girls. It was so much fun! I actually started remembering how it felt to be little and go fast around the rink. That neverending circle of fun! We have Backwards day tomorrow AFTER they have finished all their chores (of course we won't do the "fun" thing before chores are finished). But we WILL have dessert first and then dinner. Walk backwards throughout the day and that sort of fun stuff. ;)

It's been good for me too because I'm actually making time to have fun and not stay busy all day. They enjoy my attention and seem happier to do chores knowing there is a treat on the horizon. As we were driving away from the rink today I heard my eldest daughter say, "Thanks Flylady!" Yeah, thanks Flylady.

Because of You

Well, it seems like I am blogging only once a week now. That may have to be my schedule for awhile. I seem to be struggling to get to the computer lately. My house is calling; my kids are calling; nature is calling; you get the point. But I guess I'll be happy with one blog a week. My sister was visiting this week and we had the greatest time! We always do. :)

She introduced me to this video. The song has been on my mind a lot. It is funny how people can shape who you are even what you're afraid of. When I hear this song, I think of people in my past, boyfriends, friends, family and enemies that shaped so much of who I am. I wish I could say that they didn't shape me, but that I shaped myself. That wouldn't be honest. The older I get the more I recognize what IS me and what is NOT me. That's good I guess. But then I watch my kids and I wonder what will shape them. Even though I had a wonderful childhood, I still had my share of heartbreak and betrayal. I'm sure that all of us could sing this song to someone in our lives.

I once had the opportunity to confront someone who'd really hurt me. He was truly repentant and broken when I approached. It made it a little easier to forgive. To move on. That doesn't always happen, I know. And there is something in me that loves anger. I like the thrill of that feeling for a time. However, I can't stay there or I become bitter. I've learned the blame game is no game at all. It's a trap.

So, while I love this song, I have to pull back from it in the same moment. My fears might have been because of someone else in the past. But now, it's because of me. Maybe I am who I'm singing to after all.

I'm Baaaack!

We had such a great vacation. My kids absolutely loved flying! They were so cute to watch during take-off. Their faces were all excited like going down a hill of a roller coaster. Even turbulence was fun for them. Our first plane ride was a great experience. The stewardess brought a basket FULL of different snacks and encouraged everyone to have as many as they liked. My kids took full advantage! L

Our second day there, we camped out around the Grand Canyon. Camping out was fun which is a huge thing for a city girl like myself. The friends we were staying with, fixed incredible meals! It didn't taste like camp food.

We decided to go for a hike through the Grand Canyon. It was such an awesome sight. But the closer we got to the outlook spot, the higher my fear began to rise. There were no bars or fences to keep you from falling. So I was a nervous wreck about my kids. Husband held tight to the hands of our two little ones. My eldest daughter was busy snapping photos of everything and I had to keep reminding her to stay in the middle of the path.

As we reached the lookout point, there was a small bridge that you had to cross which DID have a railing but it was still fairly open. On the other side was the lookout point that had the same kind of railing and it jetted out so you could see the whole canyon. At that point my fear took full hold. I can say that I don't think I've ever been terrified like that before. I was hugging the rocks on the inside of the trail and praying my heart out while my kids and Husband crossed the bridge. I couldn't even bring myself to cross with them or even hardly move! I think I understand now why people fall to the ground when they see God. I got a small taste of the awesomeness. And now I know that I have a fear of heights. I was probably the quickest walker on the hike back down!

We went on lots of hikes which was fun and good for me to be walking. My kids did so great and they had fun being at one with nature. We were so busy going and doing that we hardly had time for anything else. I finally decided to forgo a hike and stayed behind. I walked around until I found a perfect place to sit. I sat in a beautiful spot by a roaring river to sketch, write and read. It was two hours of bliss!

Well, that is the quick version of my vacation. You may get to hear more later on. It was fun to get away. But it's been fun to be back. I'm such a homebody! L

Vacation

Tomorrow our family is leaving for vacation. So you probably won't be hearing from me for a week. I am so excited to get out of town and have some fun! We are flying to visit some friends. They are graciously hosting us and have planned lots of exciting and educational things for us to do. I think my kids are as excited about flying as they are about our trip. They don't remember flying before because they were so small. They've asked some pretty interesting questions about it.

"Mom, will we be able to open the windows on the plane?"

"Will there be outlets by our seats?"

"What kind of snacks do they give us?"

"If you go to the bathroom when you're in the air, where does it go?"

"What if the pilot puts the seatbelt sign on while you're going to the bathroom? Do they have seatbelts in the bathroom?"
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Cuties! They are so easily entertained. My husband says they get that from me. :} Hope you all have a great week!