1. Wear your fluffy Sponge-Bob slippers to church.
2. Make sure your eye make-up matches Avril Lavigne.
3. When it's time for prayer at the Ladies Tea, stare fixedly at the ceiling as if you're worried it's growing asbestos.
4. Put a temporary tattoo in an obvious place, such as--your forehead.
5. Keep a Harry Potter book under your arm at all times.
6. When someone corners you for advice, wrinkle your forehead and say, "Huh?" with the most hick-like accent you can muster.
7. If the Kitchen Ladies ask you to help serve dinner, scratch your crotch ferociously then ask where you should start.
8. When parishioners call to get a phone number on what they presume to be the Pastor's Wife Hotline, give them the number to the local prison instead.
9. Leave your kids in the church office with the staff while you go to a matinee.
10. If the elders question why you weren't in church on Sunday, explain that you overslept because you were ministering to your husband on Saturday night then give a big wink.
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4 comments:
LOL!!!!!!!!!!
I can't decide if I like number seven or number 10 the most.
I am hoping I get to see you put these into action, although I think you've already mastered number 5.
WOW. That was amazing. Can I guess that you know several if not most of those from personal experience?
I'll never tell. ;)
That's hilarious! I am so proud of you, all these new posts. You are putting me to shame!
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