Thursday, August 31, 2006
Six years ago today my youngest child was born. He was the third in our trilogy of children. He has been such a precious little joy. I had known how fun it was to have girls but he showed me how fun it could be to have a boy. I can't imagine life without him now. He is the little joker that keeps us all laughing. And he's Daddy's biggest wrestling fan. I love the little guy! He's my baby and I suppose he will always be that to me. He is growing up too fast. I love who he has become. I look forward to watching him grow into manhood but I'm glad that's still a long way off.
Happy Birthday Little Mister! I love you.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
I had just taken the rollers out when my eldest daughter walked in and exclaimed, "What did you do to your hair?!" I curled it, thank you very much! Since I hadn't combed it out yet, I decided to do so. It was quite curly, like Annie. My little boy walked in and yelled, "Ahhh!" My middle daughter saw me and said, "Mom, your hair looks like a grandma."
Okay people, that is it! I'm cutting my hair. Here are a few styles to choose from:
A. Gotta love Sissel!
In my desperation, I'm actually considering this:
This is what I was working towards, or something like it, before my meltdown:
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
There is a part of me that loves thinking I'm in control. It's very disconcerting when I realize, once again, that I'm not in control. I find it ironic that lately my biggest issue in my spiritual walk has been the issue of trust. Do I trust God even when things don't go my way? Can I trust Him to be good even when it all looks bad?
I think the answer to that goes back and forth throughout my life. I'm glad that the Christian walk is just that, a walk. I can fall down and get back up. I can walk slower through the difficult passages and faster when it's easy. Maybe my faith doesn't waiver that much after all. Perhaps, it's just adjusting to the climate around it. I don't mean that it changes, just that it slows or quickens depending on the difficulty of the hike. The main point is that I keep walking.
Speaking of walking, I will give you an update on my addiction. This last week has been very difficult to stay on track. I've found myself cramming my mouth and then recognizing that I wasn't hungry. There were moments of growth when I quickly put the food away and decided to wait until I was really hungry. Then there were times where I stuffed my mouth even faster and felt guilty afterwards. For the most part, I believe I'm remembering to slow down and not overeat. But I still covet your prayers. I'm a toddler that can walk a few more steps before she falls. I'm hoping to take off soon but it may well be a long time before I'm running.
Monday, August 21, 2006
Friday, August 18, 2006
We are having my son's birthday party today. It's a swim party at our neighborhood swimming pool. We made these cupcakes with blue icing and sprinkles. He wanted to have a Nemo theme so this is my cheap version of a Nemo cake. I made the fish stencil out of felt-ish type paper. It was fun decorating the cupcakes and my birthday boy loved adding the sprinkles! :)
Monday, August 14, 2006
Three weeks ago, I asked God to show me why I have such a drive to eat. Even when I want to lose weight and stay on a diet, my mind is consumed with food. He showed me that it is a god to me. I turn to chocolate for comfort, coffee for strength, and chips when I feel lonely. Of course, there is nothing morally wrong about those foods. What's bad is that my heart longs for those things more than desiring God. Food seems safer. At least that's how it feels, yet I know in my mind that's not true. If you're thinking, "Why is she making such a mountain out of this?" I'll show you a few of the verses that brought me to this conclusion:
Job 23:12b "I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my daily bread."
Prov. 23:2 "and put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony."
Phil. 3:19 "Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things."
It sounds silly, but letting go of my comfort food feels like saying goodbye to an old friend. It's been difficult. In trying not to be a glutton, I've been making myself wait until I'm hungry to eat. Novel idea, I know. But before now, I would not have worried about being hungry. I ate regardless. I'm also trying not to overeat. It's been hard because I'm not used to it. So I've tried reading Scripture in lue of grabbing more food. I am still far away from turning my obsession with food back to affection for God, but I'm learning. Ironically, not only am I knowing God more deeply, but an added side effect is that I'm losing weight. Could it be that the "no gluttony" stuff is for our benefit? God has good ideas.
As I've said before, I have struggled with recent annilations, like the Holocaust, Cambodia, Rwanda and others. Reading through Scripture, there is always a reason for these horrible moments. It seems to be discipline at times, blood for blood type of thing. At other times, it happens for the sake of freedom, letting the slaved ones go free and having to kill to make that happen. Okay, I'm no theologian. I cannot expound too much; there may be countless reasons. I'm just saying what I've gleaned.
So, perhaps these recent times should not be so surprising. Even in Habbakuk when God explains how the Babylonians are going to overcome them and destroy them; Habbakuk questions why there is no judgement on the Babylonians. God explains that their day is coming for punishment in all that they have done.
So there is a reason in all the madness. It just may not always be clear to me. But Habbakuk impresses me with his faithfulness. He continues to understand the awesomeness of God in the midst of knowing such horrible news. He praises Him and recognizes that He is God and the one to make the decisions. I'm amazed. I would have been arguing or whining! "But God...How come? That's not fair!"
In our "get-everything-we-want-when-we-want-it" society, I think it's incredibly hard to grasp why anything bad should have to happen to us. Isn't it our "right" to be okay? However, on the flip side, if unjustice has been done to me then I want violence! If someone ever hurt my kids, I would them to pay to the fullest extent. Perhaps that's the side in God's thinking that I don't ever see.
Sunday, August 06, 2006
I laid in bed that night tossing and turning; crying and wondering; praying and pleading with God. WHY?! Why does stuff like that have to happen? I have read several heart-renching stories of Hitler survivers and also some about Cambodian survivors of the Killing Fields. All of these stories have one element in them that makes my heart shudder. People can be unbelievably evil and cruel. If I didn't know it already, I do now. Joseph Stalin said, "One death is a tragedy; a million is a statistic."
I hate that quote because I know it's true. If someone near me dies then I'm filled with compassion. But if a million people are massacred across the world I don't even notice. That's why I think that documentaries and movies are so important to tell a story from one person's perspective. THEN it hits home.
But all this comes back to my title. Why? This morning in church the speaker, Mark Riddle, read from Habakkuk and it was as if he was reading what I'd cried to God this week. I'll have to be honest that just seeing someone in the Bible struggle like I'm struggling is always refreshing. I think that's why I love Psalms so much.
His first cry is this:
2 How long, O LORD, must I call for help,
but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, "Violence!"
but you do not save?
3 Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrong?
Destruction and violence are before me;
there is strife, and conflict abounds.
4 Therefore the law is paralyzed,
and justice never prevails.
The wicked hem in the righteous,
so that justice is perverted.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Well, it started off fine. They were happy I was in there. They like it when I help them get things back in order. However, by lunch time they were begging for a break. I gave them a lunch break and then started cracking the whip again. I began to notice that every time I stepped out of the room to put something away or to get a cleaning tool, Little Lady would whine that I wasn't helping. Then she was whining that I was cleaning more of the other siblings things. Eventually they were all whining. "We've worked ALL DAY." "Why do we have to do this?" "Yeah, why don't we get a break?" "Why aren't you helping me?" "How come WE have to put it all away?"
Grrr! I was sweating. I was tired. I had HAD it. "Why?" I said. "You want to know why YOU have to do it?"
They all sat anxiously awaiting my explaination.
"Because YOU MADE THE MESS!!!!"
Needless to say, breaktime didn't come around again for awhile. Except for me. I took a good, long water break.