I have an addiction to food. I'm not joking.
Three weeks ago, I asked God to show me why I have such a drive to eat. Even when I want to lose weight and stay on a diet, my mind is consumed with food. He showed me that it is a god to me. I turn to chocolate for comfort, coffee for strength, and chips when I feel lonely. Of course, there is nothing morally wrong about those foods. What's bad is that my heart longs for those things more than desiring God. Food seems safer. At least that's how it feels, yet I know in my mind that's not true. If you're thinking, "Why is she making such a mountain out of this?" I'll show you a few of the verses that brought me to this conclusion:
Job 23:12b "I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my daily bread."
Prov. 23:2 "and put a knife to your throat if you are given to gluttony."
Phil. 3:19 "Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things."
It sounds silly, but letting go of my comfort food feels like saying goodbye to an old friend. It's been difficult. In trying not to be a glutton, I've been making myself wait until I'm hungry to eat. Novel idea, I know. But before now, I would not have worried about being hungry. I ate regardless. I'm also trying not to overeat. It's been hard because I'm not used to it. So I've tried reading Scripture in lue of grabbing more food. I am still far away from turning my obsession with food back to affection for God, but I'm learning. Ironically, not only am I knowing God more deeply, but an added side effect is that I'm losing weight. Could it be that the "no gluttony" stuff is for our benefit? God has good ideas.
12 comments:
I appreciate your honesty, honestly. I do that too. So much so that the only way I can diet is with a pill that makes me think I am in control so that I can eat next to nothing. My profile pic was two years ago after having been on ephedra for a year and a half, of course I look nothing like that now because ephedra is illegal. My diet then consisted of water and red hots (they're fat free, ya know) I eat for fun, I eat when I'm sad, I eat when I'm bored, I eat when I'm mad, you get where this is going. I can be so full that it is hard to breathe, but I want to eat again. I completely understand what you mean about food consuming your every thought. I have yet to determine if I am filling a void or avoiding by stuffing. I don't know. But I loved your post, I loved your honesty and I loved your willingness to be vulnerable about all that. Thank you!
Red hots and water? Oh, my gosh, girl! L About the post, you are welcome. I'm so happy that it spoke to you.
LL
I don't think I've ever been to your place before. Now that I'm here, I'm thinkin' "Why didn't I come here before?" I love your posts about Habakkuk and about eating. I too am carrying around some extra baggage (I'm talking about more than just weight here) and food is a god to me as well. I hate that. I've been trying to fast in order to let my body know that I'm in control...not my stomach. Yeah...it didn't work, because I'm not in control. I should be, but I'm not. Ok I'm rambling now...I like your post.
Shayne, welcome! Thank you for visiting.
Burp. I just ate a bunch of Doritoes.
It can go both ways. In highschool I struggled with anorexia and the Lord showed me the other day that I am slipping into some old habits of control when it comes to my weight. I have lost 13 pounds this summer putting me 8 pounds under what I should weigh. I need to let people know this so I can be held accountable to eat. (You are the 4th person I have said anything to...along with all who read your blog.) My god is my desire to be in control and my pride to think I can make it on my own.
Zephyrsbound, thank you for sharing your own struggle. Our struggles are opposite and yet the same. I would welcome your accountability for me, as well, on my overeating. This weekend has been extra difficult. I'm not sure why.
This past week I also came to conclusion that food is my biggest temptation. I let it control me, and I am always thinking of how delicious I want my next meal to be. I know it sounds stupid to people who can say, "I don't know, food just isn't that big of deal to me." It makes me want to be violent! However, all this sin stuff started over being tempted with food so what makes me think it is any less destructive now? I also long to be rid of the burden ;/
hb - I hear you! Good point on the fact that sin started out with food. I never thought of it that way.
Daddyman, you've gone a month? That's awesome!! It IS hard. I feel like a baby who's trying to walk. I keep hitting my face on the pavement and having to get back up again. But your quote made me think, no pun intended. Thanks for sharing.
I know that you know that I know where you're coming from. Man! Did that make any sense at all?
I refer you to my post where I confessed having the eating habits of a 6-year-old. :~/
Even with everything that's been happening here, I've managed to control my calories and as of today I'm down 13#. You can do this. We can do this together. We are MORE than conquerors!
I do know what you mean. Thanks for the encouragement. :) Congrats on all your weight loss!
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