Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Perspective

Today has been a day of putting things into perspective. My husband had a close call with death this morning. He is not hurt, but he could have been. I am so thankful right now that everything is okay. It definitely has given me lots to think about.

There is a part of me that loves thinking I'm in control. It's very disconcerting when I realize, once again, that I'm not in control. I find it ironic that lately my biggest issue in my spiritual walk has been the issue of trust. Do I trust God even when things don't go my way? Can I trust Him to be good even when it all looks bad?

I think the answer to that goes back and forth throughout my life. I'm glad that the Christian walk is just that, a walk. I can fall down and get back up. I can walk slower through the difficult passages and faster when it's easy. Maybe my faith doesn't waiver that much after all. Perhaps, it's just adjusting to the climate around it. I don't mean that it changes, just that it slows or quickens depending on the difficulty of the hike. The main point is that I keep walking.

Speaking of walking, I will give you an update on my addiction. This last week has been very difficult to stay on track. I've found myself cramming my mouth and then recognizing that I wasn't hungry. There were moments of growth when I quickly put the food away and decided to wait until I was really hungry. Then there were times where I stuffed my mouth even faster and felt guilty afterwards. For the most part, I believe I'm remembering to slow down and not overeat. But I still covet your prayers. I'm a toddler that can walk a few more steps before she falls. I'm hoping to take off soon but it may well be a long time before I'm running.

4 comments:

Bttrfly1976 said...

I am glad your husband is ok, I imagine, whatever it was, that it was terrifying for you.
I so know your struggle in the control realm, or lack thereof. Sometimes, even knowing I have none, I cling to the illusion.
Way to go on the food thing. I'm proud of you for doing so well. My hunch is that it will always be a struggle, but it seems as though you are doing a great job of trying your best to not let it control you!
Finally, I have missed you. It is so good to read your heart again!

jesprincess said...

Did you post this today (Aug. 29)? Before or after we talked? What happened to your man?

thebarefootpoet said...

I talked to your hubby yesterday after everything, man, it's this weird place of gratefulness for what didn't happen and that nagging fear for what could have. Love you both.

I never posted on your first "confession" about your struggle. You know how well I get this, and our struggle is so similar. I've got no magic words, just that I did walk through a period not so long ago when I just quit, and gave up. I can tell you that no matter how many times you get knocked down and sick of it, stagger back to your feet, and start walking. Those weeks where I just gave up were the most miserable weeks I've ever had in regard to the fight. I'm with you.

jesprincess said...

Yes, I got the email. Supermom told me about it earlier that day. I can't believe it!