Today has been a day of putting things into perspective. My husband had a close call with death this morning. He is not hurt, but he could have been. I am so thankful right now that everything is okay. It definitely has given me lots to think about.
There is a part of me that loves thinking I'm in control. It's very disconcerting when I realize, once again, that I'm not in control. I find it ironic that lately my biggest issue in my spiritual walk has been the issue of trust. Do I trust God even when things don't go my way? Can I trust Him to be good even when it all looks bad?
I think the answer to that goes back and forth throughout my life. I'm glad that the Christian walk is just that, a walk. I can fall down and get back up. I can walk slower through the difficult passages and faster when it's easy. Maybe my faith doesn't waiver that much after all. Perhaps, it's just adjusting to the climate around it. I don't mean that it changes, just that it slows or quickens depending on the difficulty of the hike. The main point is that I keep walking.
Speaking of walking, I will give you an update on my addiction. This last week has been very difficult to stay on track. I've found myself cramming my mouth and then recognizing that I wasn't hungry. There were moments of growth when I quickly put the food away and decided to wait until I was really hungry. Then there were times where I stuffed my mouth even faster and felt guilty afterwards. For the most part, I believe I'm remembering to slow down and not overeat. But I still covet your prayers. I'm a toddler that can walk a few more steps before she falls. I'm hoping to take off soon but it may well be a long time before I'm running.
4 comments:
I am glad your husband is ok, I imagine, whatever it was, that it was terrifying for you.
I so know your struggle in the control realm, or lack thereof. Sometimes, even knowing I have none, I cling to the illusion.
Way to go on the food thing. I'm proud of you for doing so well. My hunch is that it will always be a struggle, but it seems as though you are doing a great job of trying your best to not let it control you!
Finally, I have missed you. It is so good to read your heart again!
Did you post this today (Aug. 29)? Before or after we talked? What happened to your man?
I talked to your hubby yesterday after everything, man, it's this weird place of gratefulness for what didn't happen and that nagging fear for what could have. Love you both.
I never posted on your first "confession" about your struggle. You know how well I get this, and our struggle is so similar. I've got no magic words, just that I did walk through a period not so long ago when I just quit, and gave up. I can tell you that no matter how many times you get knocked down and sick of it, stagger back to your feet, and start walking. Those weeks where I just gave up were the most miserable weeks I've ever had in regard to the fight. I'm with you.
Yes, I got the email. Supermom told me about it earlier that day. I can't believe it!
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