I have definitely felt some moments of desperation lately with my parenting. Slowly God has been revealing to me that our problems are rooted in me. I would rather Him just give me three steps to make really great kids and be done with it. But unfortunately, it doesn't work like that. These problems are bound inside my heart and they demonstrate themselves through me and then reflect in my children. Those sweet little mirrors.
Submit. Man, how I love and hate that word! In my head I know that submitting to God is taking the pathway of peace. But in my heart is another path I like to take. The I-Know-Best path. I am such a control freak. I didn't think I was, but it's come bubbling to the surface through all this struggling. Yuck!
I want control of my husband, kids, family, friends, etc. It's not that I truly believe myself to be the most intelligent person in the world but I guess I must think fairly highly of myself since I always want things done MY way. Or maybe that's just selfishness.
Okay, I'm almost finished with my rant. One thing that has been so wonderful about this "working through" is that I am beginning to see my need for rest. That resting in Him that settles me. It's that moment of being held by a loved one through a turbulent time; it calms me. I wish I could stay there and never get up. Maybe the process is just learning to get back there and stay a little longer each time.
So, I'm beginning to see that as God parents me, so must I parent my children. I can't teach them what I haven't allowed God to teach me.
6 comments:
What a gorgeous picture! It just exudes peace! I am with you in this realization of resting in Him. It is so easy to try to grab things back instead of allowing Him all the control.
I love your picture :-)
Sometimes that seems so far out of reach and I don't know why. Maybe because I like control, too. I guess we all do, to some point.
I am SO with you! The things I've been complaining to the Lord about regarding my kids...are actually symptoms of MY illness!
JEEPERS!!
Just finished reading the account of the lame man in John 5:6-8. Jesus asked him, "Sir, do you want to be well?"
Oh, how I want to be well...
"So I'm beginning to see that as God parents me so must I parent my children. I can't teach them what I haven't allowed God to teach me."
From this new parent I can only say thanks, what a powerful thought to root deep down inside.
What a scary thought, we can't teach them what we haven't allowed God to teach us. Hmmm. I am with you on the control issue. I, once upon a time, didn't think I had such a need for it, but apparantly my need for control actually controls me. ;-)
hey girl, i am so glad that your heart is tender and receptive to the things of God... it is also amazing that at your age you are finding out these deep things about yourself and facing them straight in the eye... i love the fact that you ran to Jesus and He gave you quiet in the storm!!! you are amazing and your maturity, nuturing and desire to be pure and holy is to be admired... please, be easy on yourself!!! peace be still... :) phil4:13
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