I was reading a book that continues to call me to "think". He was talking about how we often avoid studying Scripture because of how hard it is to comprehend. I completely relate to this. There is so much in Scripture that I cannot get a grasp of. I have struggled through feeling as though I must be able to understand it before I will believe it.
However, lately the question that continues to haunt me is this: If I can't understand Him, can I believe Him? In our American society we are so accustomed to having things explained or demanding that they are, that it's hard for me to depart from that. Can I take the jump and just have faith? Will I embrace a God that seems cruel and unexplanable sometimes? Must I agree with everything about Him before I stand in awe of who He is?
I MUST embrace Him. His love, His sacrifice, His anger, His jealousy, His mercy, His holiness, His vengance, His forgiveness, His power, His strength, His judgement. I have nothing else to hold onto if I don't have Him.
At this moment, I am willing to embrace it. As frightening and exciting as it is, I'm ready to jump off the cliff of doubt into the air of faith.
7 comments:
In my tradition, we are taught that it is ok to not understand with all our minds but to embrace the Mysterium Fidei, the Mystery of Faith.
May God bless you with discomfort,
At easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships,
So that you may live deep within your heart.
I know that question well. I'm so not ready like you are, but someday, soon I hope. I learned recently that Freud said that most people's fear of heights is not because they are afraid of falling. Instead, they are afraid they will jump. Thanks for being real about your struggle, it is refreshing for those like me. ;)
It seems to me that so much of the Christian life is trusting though not understanding. We want to walk by sight, and not so much by faith.
I'm reminded of the great words of Job, "Though He slay me, yet I will hope in Him" (13:15).
Sometimes we can see via hindsight how He works all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Rom 8:28). But more often than not, we just have to trust the truth of that verse, though our eyes may not see how it is so this side of glory.
If I could understand Him, He wouldn't be big enough.
If I could explain Him, He wouldn't be powerful enough.
The created will never be able to probe the depths of the Creator.
I am grateful and content to be the cared-for, the supplied, the instructed, the work-in-progress. When His will is for me to leap, leap I shall. He will catch me, or not, as best serves His plan. Either way, nothing shall ever separate me from the love of God.
That's all I need to know.
:(
Is everything ok in your world?
LL,
I think Job probably felt exactly the same way.
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