Okay, so it's almost been a complete month since I wrote anything. You know how when you've waited awhile to write, you keep thinking you need something really great to write? So you keep procrastinating and never get around to sharing anything because no matter what you're thinking it's never good enough? Well, I think that's what's happened to me.
So tonight I decided that I was just going to write. This may go nowhere but at least that blasted dog story will not be the first post on my blog anymore.
Lately, I have become more aware of myself withdrawing. I do this when I feel manipulated, angry, hurt or I'm tired. I know it's wrong. So I am trying desperately to change. Instead of automatically getting angry and shutting down, I'm trying to be more honest in the moment. That has its own struggles since I don't think too fast on my feet. But since I've seen more of my pattern, I notice what I'm doing as I'm doing it and I've been able to stop myself quicker. It's hard! It's like trying to learn to write correctly when you've written incorrectly your entire life.
I'm also learning about spiritual disciplines. That's all I'll say about that because everytime I try to write more about it, it comes out really trite. I can't seem to truly express what I want to say. Maybe I'll figure it out later and can write more on that subject.
Well, it's getting late and I've got to get up early to teach my kiddos school in the morning. Have a great week!
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7 comments:
This is my prayer for you. Father God fill your sweet child with eyes like yours to see all of your glory around her, help her be a light for you even when it is not easy. The gifts of disciplines that you have given us are so awesome I pray that you will bless her righteous pursuit of you. Lord, you are our morning and our night, our guidepost, our cornerstone, continue calling us to You all the days of our lives on this earth. May she find peace and rest in Your presence and mighty Word.
In Jesus Name, Amen
The fact that you even took time to write this is precious. Your prayer is beautiful. It brought me to tears. Thank you.
Hey you! I've so missed your posts. Sounds as though we are sharing a struggle at the moment. I completely get you on withdrawing. Granted, I am probably more extreme with it than you, but I assume the urge in each of us probably draws from the same well. Fear. Fear of being hurt, of being rejected, of being 'unacceptable,' of looking stupid, I am sure I could go on and on. I typically withdraw the most when I see confrontation becoming a possibility. My hunch is that it comes from fearing abandonment, but stupidly, I abandon first to save myself the pain....am I the only one that noticed that I still end up alone?
Baby steps, right?
I get you on feeling like after having been gone awhile your first post back needs to be a great one. We can be so silly. But congratulations, I loved this one. ;)
I'm praying for you! Have a great day.
Laughing. bttrfly, thanks for the thumbs up! I'm glad I'm not alone in this struggle.
Dad, thanks for being my biggest fan! :)
Daddyman, once a month or whenever, we love hearing from you.
I'm praying for you as we journey down this road of spiritual disciplines. That was a beautiful prayer tammy m offered.
I so relate to your third paragraph. I am that way as well, but am learning to be more aware of others instead of myself...because that is what it boils down to in my life. I too am both hopeful and a little fearful of where this journey will lead us as we sink into the disciplines. Only that we would be closer to Him!
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