Passion

I have stated before how stories drive me. I have tried to understand why. The one common thing all stories have that impact me, is passion. I don't necessarily mean the love kind of passion.

Tonight I found myself again watching one of my favorite movies, Peter Pan. It's not the Disney version but the live action version. (If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it. Although, due to some violent fighting, I don't let my younger children see it.) There is a scene where Peter Pan has been abandoned by all his friends except Tinkerbell. She saves his life and gives up her own. She dies in front of him and he is so broken. He lays her down, kneels beside her grabbing the dirt in agony, and then shouts, "Tiiiiiiiinnnnnnkk!!!". It is so moving. I know it's a fairytale but the pain is universal. His passion is what pulls at my heart strings.

Then there is another movie called, The Story of Us. It's about a marital struggle between a husband and wife. At the end, when you believe the relationship is lost there is a powerful scene where the wife turns to him and pours out her heart. She says that even if she wanted to start over she could never tell the "next guy" that their son looks like him. Or she could never say, "Remember when Julie threw up on the Washington monument?" She goes on referring to memories throughout their relationship. She ends it by telling him she doesn't want a divorce because she loves him. She says that while their marriage isn't perfect she can't imagine having anyone else with her but him. You hold your breath because his expression seems callous. But then he reaches for her and as they embrace he tells her that he loves her too and doesn't want to give up on "us". They both cry and I bawl like a baby EVERY time I see it. (I know, no surprise.)

Of course, I don't just like sad moments, I love any moment that a passionate heart finally connects with another human being. I LOVE the moment when Miss Daisy finally breaks down and tells her chauffeur that he is her very best friend. Or when Rocky triumphs over an unbeatable foe. Or when the knight in A Knight's Tale wins the tournament in the hearing of his blind father. THOSE are incredible moments.

Maybe it's because passionate moments are all around me. Like when my husband proposed and completely took me by surprise (it was HIS birthday, after all). I was so overcome with happiness that I, well you know, cried. Then I told him yes.

Or when my second daughter was born and they could not get her breathing. She was whisked out of the room with "Code Blue" being shouted over the intercom while my husband and I held each others hands in silence; I couldn't breath. That moment the door shut without hearing one cry from my baby girl covered me in fear. Then a few seconds (what seemed like hours) later when I heard her scream loud and clear down the hallway, suddenly I could breath and sob at the same time.

Or the moment when my husband said he felt led to start a church. It would mean great uncertainty for us but I felt like the girl in Titanic, "You jump, I jump."

The moment we found out his father had a brain tumor. They said it was cancerous and that he only had one year to live. He died one year later.

The moment I realized that my tiny baby girl had blossomed into a beautiful Little Miss and it was time to have THE talk.

The moment my Little Lady asked me how to believe in a God she couldn't see.

The moment when Little Mister made a picture of a girl. I commented on how pretty she was. He said, "I like them pretty. Like you, Mom!" And I melted into a puddle on the floor.

How can you not love story? Life would be boring without passion, don't you think?

Big

I had a realization last night that my little mister is really getting big. Why am I just now noticing it? Because he doesn't just let me kiss him whenever I want to anymore. Now he starts to squirm away when I'm being too affectionate. And it dawned on me last night that my time with that "little" one is moving on. Now I don't have any more babies and I'm moving into the later stages of life.

Maybe I'm just feeling emotional because my doctor told me last week at my thyroid checkup that I may be pre-menopausal. What?! ME? I'm too young. Plus he added that I'd gained a good amount of weight in just ONE year. I love it when the doctor is full of good news. :{

But back to what I was saying, there was a storm last night blowing through our town complete with Tornado watch. My little mister suddenly became "little" again. He wanted me to hold him and snuggle him. I cherished every moment and covered his cheeks in kisses until he asked me to stop.

Warning for those of you with babies: In the near future, I may need to hold your little one and give 'em a few kisses.

Tagged!

Heartsjoy tagged me to tell six random things about myself. So, here goes...

1. I wanted a red-headed child but they're all blond as sunlight. (Well, at least my husband is still red-headed.)

2. I'm a germ-a-phobe. I don't care if I know you and love you, I'm still NOT going to drink after you (unless I'm dying of thirst since dying of germs would be irrelevant at that point).

3. My mom and my sister, being true extroverts, taught me how to greet people and small-talk with the best of them. But deep at heart, I'm an introvert.

4. A pet peeve of mine is when someone is pretending to listen while they glance about the room. LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!!!

5. I get estatic about graph paper. I LOVE to graph stuff like rooms of the house and change the furniture around on paper.

6. I still bite my nails even though I'm trying to stop.

Okay, now I'm going to tag anyone reading this blog that would like to play this game. You're it!

If - Then and Blessing Charts

These are my two charts (found them at Doorposts). One is the If-Then chart, which shows IF my children choose wrongly THEN this will happen. The other one is a Blessing Chart. When they exemplify good character throughout the week or if I've seen a marked improvement on something that previously was a struggle, they will recieve a reward on Sunday.

Early Mornings

I haven't written anything serious for awhile because I haven't wanted to. I've had a bit of a rebellious heart. God has been showing me how I've been "eating the bread of idleness". I love to sleep, and I would much rather plan things than actually do the work. I'm lazy. I admit it. And it's wrong. So my conviction grew until I finally repented.

"Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where He prayed." Mark 1:35 Jesus did that?! Hmmm.

"At daybreak Jesus went out to a solitary place." Luke 4:42 I love that word, solitary. For me, it translates, "alone" and I love to be alone.

"She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls." Proverbs 31:14 My servant girls are my dishwasher, coffee maker, crockpot, oven, washer and dryer.

"In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation." Psalm 5:3

This is from the Message translation because I love how it's worded:
"First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started." Proverbs 31:17 Eager? Well, God's working on me.

Starting this last Monday, I've been getting up at 5:00a.m. Shocking, I know. But as much as I hate to admit it, this night owl is beginning to enjoy her mornings. It's been such a jumpstart beginning my day with an hour to read, study and pray uninterrupted. Then I'm wide awake and able to get completely ready from head to shoe (she dresses for work). I begin my morning "workout" by swishing and swiping the bathroom before I leave it. I rush to the kitchen and get my "servant girls" started. I set the timer and hurry to tidy up all the hot spots that seem to collect clutter. I run through the front rooms (kids are still sleeping so I don't want to go into their rooms yet) throwing away any trash and collecting things that belong in another room for the kids to put away. My blood is pumping now and I grab a load of laundry to fold or put into the washer. I hurry to put clothes away. I start breakfast and begin working on dinner. By now it's time to get the kids up so I wake them and set the timer for 30 minutes while they do their morning chores. I rush back to the kitchen to set the table then check on dinner and laundry. I review my calendar to see what is ahead for the day and prepare anything needed for school. By the time my kids come to the table I am ready for another cup of coffee and I rejoice that my morning "workout" is done.

It's nothing short of a miracle for this sleepyhead!

The Church

This video really struck me as what the church should be. I love you, all my friends and blogging friends. This is dedicated to you.

Pink

Okay, I believe that I have officially trumped Heartsjoy and Supermom on the hair fiasco. I have a new way of dying my hair. Instead of using regular dye, why not try Easter egg dye? Yes, you read it right.

I was letting my children dye Easter eggs and they were very careful not to let any of it spill. We had foil underneath everything. Well, wouldn't you know it? As I was cleaning up, I spilled the hot pink color. It was on the table (yes, it stained but fortunately it was not my "good" table), on the floor (got most of it up) and all over my hands. Well, I must have unknowingly run my fingers through the back of my hair in a moment of frustration because at dinnertime Little Lady asked me why my hair was pink. "What?" I asked, thinking that surely she was joking. Nope! All my children agreed that I had pink streak running through the back of my hair. You know, it couldn't be in the front where it would look like I was trying to be cool. It's in the back in a very obsure place. I frantically tried washing it out but it did not come out. So now I'm sporting around a sort-of pink "do". Well, it's fitting for springtime, don't you think?

Prayer Time

Early this morning, I was able to be part of a prayer vigil Rivendell was having throughout the night. My hour was from 1:00 - 2:00a.m. I was really excited about it. It's not often that I get an entire hour with the Lord uninterrupted. The prayer room was set up with about five or six different stations. It was all extremely moving. This morning I feel refreshed, refocused and a bit mournful imagining how the disciples must have felt. I'm glad that Sunday is coming for celebration but right now my heart is quiet and thoughtful.

Crybaby

Does it come with age? I have become the biggest crybaby! I swear, a commercial comes on with a little sentimental flavor and tears start dripping off my face. I find myself trying to hide it because my kids have caught on. "Mom, are you crying over that?!" "Yes, I am," I say sniffling.

If I'm watching a movie or reading a book, I cry at the tender moments, the sad moments, the climatic happy moments, the kissing moments and the restoring moments. It's so ridiculous! I've even been known to start crying while someone is telling me a story, right there in front of them! How embarrassing. Maybe it's just that I've hit middle age and I'm feeling everything deeper. At least, I hope that's it.

I think I need a Kleenex, sniffle.

The Write Way

This weekend my kids and I visited my parents who live about two hours away. We had such a good time. It was refreshing for me, like the Fellowship of the Ring coming from Rivendell. (Sorry, I just read barefootpoet's blog so I'm in the Lord of the Rings mode.)

I've been thinking about writing a lot lately. I have tried my hand at it so many times. I even went about six months sitting at the computer everyday for at least an hour to get a story of mine down. I've written articles and the like. But the only thing I've ever had published was a story I wrote in high school that my teacher sent off and it was published in a small youth booklet. I LOVE stories. They speak to me. I've said before that there are stories going on in my mind all the time. I re-work them at bedtime. But lately I've avoided putting them on paper. Don't know why. I wrote a fictional book once and I still have it tucked away in my "writer's briefcase". I've never sent it off. Everytime I read it I find something that I want to change. How do writers put their story on paper and then just leave it?!

I was told about a man who asked C.S. Lewis how he wrote his books. C.S. Lewis said something like, "I see the whole thing in my mind and then I write it down." Incredible!

Writing is harder for me than drawing. Maybe because I'm harder on myself in doing it. Art seems to be forgiving. Even if you make a mistake, you can creatively "fix" it. Writing seems so concrete. It has right and a wrong way. However, the content should be what releases me. I have a difficult time getting down on paper what I have in my head. Maybe I should just do like I've done with learning to draw. I could again devote a certain amount of time to it every day. Maybe my perfectionism is stopping me again. Thinking that if I can't do it perfect then I don't want to do it at all. My dad has inspired me. He has been writing a book about his time in service during the Vietnam war. He said he's thought about it for a long time but is finally putting it to paper. I'm so proud of him. I need to just take the leap and quit talking about it. ;)

The Outing

Yesterday I thought we had an orthodonist appointment at 1:00. We took off but when we arrived there we noticed that there was a significant absence of cars, as in, none. I walked up to the door but it was locked and dark inside. I went back to the car to check my calendar only to realize that the appointment is NEXT week. Oh well, at least we didn't miss it. So off we went to buy The Chronicles of Narnia DVD.

Our favorite Thrift shop was on the way so we decided to stop. The kids ran to the toy section while I began browsing the clothes. As I looked through the clothes, I heard the woman working at the register talking on the phone to someone. She was getting angrier as she spoke and louder at that. Finally, the woman was so upset that she slammed down the phone. She turned my way as if embarassed that I might have heard something. I kept myself busy but I hurt for her. She quickly called someone else who seemed to console her and I was glad. I wondered what my role was in that moment. She seemed to overt her eyes from me from that point on. Maybe she was embarassed.

When we checked out she chit-chatted with me and I smiled at her. I hoped that it might brighten her day a bit. I wondered what more I could do. Should I outright ask if she's okay? She wasn't the lady that is normally in the store so I hadn't built a relationship yet. But does that matter? I walked out having just left a smile. I hope that was enough.

Little White House

Sunday afternoon, my family went for a drive and decided to check out a house a friend recommended that is up for sale. As soon as I saw it, I fell in love. It's like the dream house I've always wanted. It's a little Gingerbread house, as I call it. It's an older home with lots of character. The house was not open but we looked into the windows. The front porch was large the way I like it. The living room opened into the dining room with a dome shaped opening.

The kitchen was re-done and updated. It was adorable. Even the utility room was a cute little room tucked into the side of the house with pantry shelved walls. The backyard was quaint with large trees - a huge plus for me. Just down the street stood an awesome park. The backyard also held a great deck. There was a den downstairs in the basement with a fireplace. The garage had been changed into an apartment which would be great for helping with housepayments or maybe a Mother-in-law apartment. The only thing I didn't like about the house was that there was no garage. But I could live with that.

I have adored these type homes ever since we moved into this town. I'm trying not to think about it too much. It's not like we need to move. We have a great house already. I love my home. But it's fun to dream.

Soul Song

I cannot tell you how excited I am to have this song video on my blogsite!! I LOVE THIS SONG! I have looked and looked for a way to have, Uninvited, playing but could not figure it out. My sweet sister explained how to do it and now I keep replaying it because I can. Alanis Morrisette has such a powerfully, unique voice. I love her style (not a fan of all her songs but a lot of them). This song in particular has been a heart-song of mine for awhile. The way the song speaks to me is that I am very uninviting of God. Yet He pursues me. I love the end of the song when she says, "I don't think you unworthy, but I need a moment to deliberate." I hope you enjoy it!

Here are the lyrics:

Like anyone would be
I am flattered by your fascination with me
Like any hot blooded woman
I have simply wanted an object to crave
But you, you’re not allowed
You’re uninvited
An unfortunate slight

Must be strangely exciting
To watch the stoic squirm
Must be somewhat heartening
To watch shepard meet shepard
But you, you’re not allowed
You’re uninvited
An unfortunate slight

Like any uncharted territory
I must seem greatly intriguing
You speak of my love like
You have experienced love like mine before
But this is not allowed
You’re uninvited
An unfortunate slight

I don’t think you unworthy
I need a moment to deliberate

Hospitality

I've been thinking about Hospitality a lot lately. Now that Flylady has entered my life, my home is not in the chaos it once was. So, I should be free to ask people over, right? Then why don't I? I LOVE getting together with my girlfriends for a Girls Night Out. I enjoy getting to know new people. So why don't I invite them over more often? Am I frozen again by that dreaded word, fear? Please! Haven't I learned that lesson already?! Why can't I just reach out and ask?

The answer: I don't know. I've been mulling it over in my mind so much these last few days that I'm wondering if it's conviction. Of course, I know that there are those times when I'm exhausted that I don't want to be around anyone; I just want to be alone! But that's not okay for every night. I could at least set aside one night a week to merge into someone else's life, couldn't I? Isn't that Biblical? I re-read a blog from This One's For the Girls that inspired me. And yet, I am still sitting here and not calling anyone to set a date. My procrastination is bugging me. I know that half of doing it is simply planning it. So maybe I just need to get my calendar out and go for it! Any words of wisdom would be welcome.