Fear - I'll call it like it is. It's so much easier to say, "Stressed" or "Anxious" or whatever. But the truth is that there are times I am paralyzed by fear. I hate it! I wish I didn't fear anything but God. That's how it should be. I unloaded on God yesterday and today about all my fears. He's so gracious and kind to take those burdens and just move them onto his big shoulders.
Last night we had a big dinner at the University President's house. I was scared to death. I was worried about what to wear, how to talk, etc. It was SO silly. Why be scared? They're just people! But I was. It turned out fine. The people were sweet. The food was delicious. It was formal but it's good to have those times once in a while (to remind you which forks to eat what food with). I'll have to admit I was happy to take off my heels and get into my comfy pajamas!
Then there is that fear of not having enough finances. I guess everyone struggles with this on some level. Sometimes I get so frustrated because I wish we didn't have to think about it. But it's always there looming in the background.
The night before, little mister came to our bed around 3:00 a.m. because of a bad dream. I tucked him in next to Daddy and went to the couch. I tossed and turned for hours after that which is really strange for me because I am one of those people who can fall asleep anytime, anywhere. I do not have insomnia problems but that night I could not get back to sleep. So I just started praying. I figured God had my undivided attention. My mother-in-law kept coming to my mind. She is having some health issues right now. Thoughts of what we should do about it kept coming to my mind. Two days later Hubby talked to me about some of these very things. Weird? I don't think so. I think God knew I needed the head's up.
Why do I fear when God is ahead of me all the time? Why are my shoulders tight and I can feel a tension headache is on the way? Why can't I trust Him? Do I honestly think I'm the better guide? Once again I need to be reminded to rest and not to fear.
3 comments:
Happened upon your blog and I really appreciate your comment on this post. I think the fear is a natural, flesh response. The trust and peace is a super-natural response that comes from YEARS of re-training yourself. I don't know that anyone ever completely comes to respond like that. I tell my husband that PMS is the Lord's way of reminding us that you will NEVER 100% put the flesh to death! :-) That's why He tells us to take up our cross daily -- and why His mercies are new every morning! PRAISE!
I'll be stopping by again!
Sarah, thank you for stopping by! I had to laugh at your comment about PMS. I completely agree!
I can very much relate. I am glad you are calling it what it is. I need to do the same. Glad you are listening to Him even when it is hard.
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