Camp GonnaWannaFLY

Today was our second day in Camp GonnaWannaFLY. Yes, I know it sounds cheesy, but it's working! It's a great idea from Flylady (yes, I'm talking about her again). We are working on our morning routine and evening routine. Everyday that we acheive the routines withOUT reminders, we have something fun we get to do. I talked with my kids on Saturday, we voted on the ideas and we made a list.

Sunday: Arts and Crafts
Monday: Skating Rink
Tuesday: Backwards Day/Sprinkler Park
Wednesday: Library
Thursday: Swimming
Friday: Scavenger Hunt
Saturday: Games

It is working wonders for me and the kids because no one wants to have to sit out on the fun. I'll admit that the skating rink today definitely took me back! At first I was all mothering and making sure Little Mister could skate without killing himself. But after he got the hang of things, I took off to race my girls. It was so much fun! I actually started remembering how it felt to be little and go fast around the rink. That neverending circle of fun! We have Backwards day tomorrow AFTER they have finished all their chores (of course we won't do the "fun" thing before chores are finished). But we WILL have dessert first and then dinner. Walk backwards throughout the day and that sort of fun stuff. ;)

It's been good for me too because I'm actually making time to have fun and not stay busy all day. They enjoy my attention and seem happier to do chores knowing there is a treat on the horizon. As we were driving away from the rink today I heard my eldest daughter say, "Thanks Flylady!" Yeah, thanks Flylady.

Because of You

Well, it seems like I am blogging only once a week now. That may have to be my schedule for awhile. I seem to be struggling to get to the computer lately. My house is calling; my kids are calling; nature is calling; you get the point. But I guess I'll be happy with one blog a week. My sister was visiting this week and we had the greatest time! We always do. :)

She introduced me to this video. The song has been on my mind a lot. It is funny how people can shape who you are even what you're afraid of. When I hear this song, I think of people in my past, boyfriends, friends, family and enemies that shaped so much of who I am. I wish I could say that they didn't shape me, but that I shaped myself. That wouldn't be honest. The older I get the more I recognize what IS me and what is NOT me. That's good I guess. But then I watch my kids and I wonder what will shape them. Even though I had a wonderful childhood, I still had my share of heartbreak and betrayal. I'm sure that all of us could sing this song to someone in our lives.

I once had the opportunity to confront someone who'd really hurt me. He was truly repentant and broken when I approached. It made it a little easier to forgive. To move on. That doesn't always happen, I know. And there is something in me that loves anger. I like the thrill of that feeling for a time. However, I can't stay there or I become bitter. I've learned the blame game is no game at all. It's a trap.

So, while I love this song, I have to pull back from it in the same moment. My fears might have been because of someone else in the past. But now, it's because of me. Maybe I am who I'm singing to after all.

I'm Baaaack!

We had such a great vacation. My kids absolutely loved flying! They were so cute to watch during take-off. Their faces were all excited like going down a hill of a roller coaster. Even turbulence was fun for them. Our first plane ride was a great experience. The stewardess brought a basket FULL of different snacks and encouraged everyone to have as many as they liked. My kids took full advantage! L

Our second day there, we camped out around the Grand Canyon. Camping out was fun which is a huge thing for a city girl like myself. The friends we were staying with, fixed incredible meals! It didn't taste like camp food.

We decided to go for a hike through the Grand Canyon. It was such an awesome sight. But the closer we got to the outlook spot, the higher my fear began to rise. There were no bars or fences to keep you from falling. So I was a nervous wreck about my kids. Husband held tight to the hands of our two little ones. My eldest daughter was busy snapping photos of everything and I had to keep reminding her to stay in the middle of the path.

As we reached the lookout point, there was a small bridge that you had to cross which DID have a railing but it was still fairly open. On the other side was the lookout point that had the same kind of railing and it jetted out so you could see the whole canyon. At that point my fear took full hold. I can say that I don't think I've ever been terrified like that before. I was hugging the rocks on the inside of the trail and praying my heart out while my kids and Husband crossed the bridge. I couldn't even bring myself to cross with them or even hardly move! I think I understand now why people fall to the ground when they see God. I got a small taste of the awesomeness. And now I know that I have a fear of heights. I was probably the quickest walker on the hike back down!

We went on lots of hikes which was fun and good for me to be walking. My kids did so great and they had fun being at one with nature. We were so busy going and doing that we hardly had time for anything else. I finally decided to forgo a hike and stayed behind. I walked around until I found a perfect place to sit. I sat in a beautiful spot by a roaring river to sketch, write and read. It was two hours of bliss!

Well, that is the quick version of my vacation. You may get to hear more later on. It was fun to get away. But it's been fun to be back. I'm such a homebody! L

Vacation

Tomorrow our family is leaving for vacation. So you probably won't be hearing from me for a week. I am so excited to get out of town and have some fun! We are flying to visit some friends. They are graciously hosting us and have planned lots of exciting and educational things for us to do. I think my kids are as excited about flying as they are about our trip. They don't remember flying before because they were so small. They've asked some pretty interesting questions about it.

"Mom, will we be able to open the windows on the plane?"

"Will there be outlets by our seats?"

"What kind of snacks do they give us?"

"If you go to the bathroom when you're in the air, where does it go?"

"What if the pilot puts the seatbelt sign on while you're going to the bathroom? Do they have seatbelts in the bathroom?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------

Cuties! They are so easily entertained. My husband says they get that from me. :} Hope you all have a great week!

Writing Again

In 1992, I completed a course, from the Institute of Children's Literature, on writing for children and teenagers that I really enjoyed. I wrote off and on from that point on, mostly for children and pre-adolescents. When my children were born, I found myself having to fit it in sporadically, and several years it was just non-exsistent. I have recently decided to seriously pursue it again.

I made it my goal to write something, articles or stories, everyday for fifteen minutes. I have to start small, you see. Sometimes those fifteen minutes turn into thirty minutes without even glancing at the clock. Other times it's all I can do to fill up the fifteen minutes. Odd how that works.

It feels like a treasure box has been opened that I've kept closed for awhile. It's thrilling, exciting and terrifying. The Writers Market book for 2007 comes out in July, so I'm anxiously awaiting it. In case you don't know what that is, it's a book that gives the names of publishing houses and editors to send your work to and what their requirements are. I want to have several pieces ready to send off by the time it arrives.

Nightime Muse

Too much coffee did I drink?
Too many thoughts I must think.
The bed is calling out my name.
My body plays different game.

Tomorrow morn will come too fast.
Time for sleeping will be past.
So a lesson I did learn.
Late night coffee I must spurn.

Your God Is Too Safe

I am restarting this book again by Mark Buchanan called Your God Is Too Safe. I'm restarting it because I always seem to get about halfway done and I put it away. It scares me or at the least, shakes me. I'm hoping this time that I can get farther or that it will not seem as hard to read.

A blogging friend of mine has been asking heartfelt questions about God and it's inspired me to struggle through my own questions more. Sometimes I get too sidetracked with life to bother looking so deep into my faith or lack thereof. But lately, something is stirring and I hope to make sense of it.

Garage Sale

We are holding a garage sale this weekend for any of you bargain hunters wanting to get a deal. We are doing it with/for some friends. Since I will probably not want to have another one for awhile, we have been in a frenzy to get as much of our stuff in it as possible. So I've been sorting through our house to get rid off anything I do not love. (Not to worry Mom, my special things are safely locked away in my hope chest and the china is staying.)

Then today we had an orthodonist appointment for both my girls. It was just the monthly check-up and they are both doing well. Since I was out already I decided to run by Bibliomania (a resale store for homeschool curriculum) to grab a book that I needed. That store is like the black hole for me because I find myself being sucked in wanting to buy more and more. I went in for one book and came out with two bags. Yes, I know, I DID say I was trying to get rid of stuff.

I guess these books can replace the ones that I'm getting rid of. Hee-hee. No seriously, they were books that I was needing for this year and most of them were off of the half-price racks. Great deals, see?

Then I needed to run to the Dollar Tree to get the price tag stickers for our stuff. To cut down on more temptation, I parked in front and sent my eldest daughter in alone with only enough cash to buy the stickers.

Tonight the girls and I are going to see The Lion King broadway production (someone gave us three free tickets!!). I cannot wait! Oh, and they're excited too. Little Mister is going to have some great one-on-one time with Daddy doing some boyish fun stuff.

Well, I better go. The house isn't getting any emptier while I sit here!

Mudman

Without snow, we must make do. My kids are loving the beautiful weather and making lots of things with mud. Needless to say, they've had lots of baths lately! I should probably just put a pool in the backyard and kill two birds with one stone. And in case you're wondering, yes, this IS school!

Jonah Syndrome

Tonight at Rivendell, we finished up the book of Jonah. I have really enjoyed this study for two reasons. One, it's entertaining. Two, I can relate to Jonah. I laugh at the end of Jonah when he FINALLY does what God tells him to do, then runs out and builds himself a booth from which to watch the destruction of Nineveh. He doesn't want them to repent. He's hoping that God will NOT change His mind but will follow through with the destruction. Instead, the people immediately repent. The king orders everyone to fast from food and water for three days hoping to pacify God. I can't imagine going three days without anything to drink!

God is merciful and doesn't destroy them. Jonah is on the sidelines watching and waiting. He longs for Nineveh to be destroyed and rightly so. He'd probably seen relatives brutally murdered or tortured by these people. He hated them and expected God to be on his side. But God didn't do what Jonah wanted. Instead, God brought to Jonah's attention that he cared more about the shade tree dying than he did about the people whom God could potentially destroy.

Jonah is so much like me. I listen for God to speak to me but then run when He asks something of me that I feel is unreasonable. What is He thinking?! I also have times of looking at others just as Jonah looked at the Ninevites and believe they deserve what's coming to them. But when I'm in the "hot seat", I beg and hope for mercy, just like Jonah in the belly of the great fish. (It always amazes me that it took him three days to repent. I think I would have been praying right away. But then again...)

I love the book of Jonah. He gets angry with God, just like me.

P.S. What is the deal with all the "3's"? He was in the belly of the fish for three days. The city of Nineveh was so large that it took three days to walk through it. The Ninevites fasted for three days. Of course Jesus was in the tomb for three days, so is there significance in the actual number three? I just thought of another one, the trinity.

Why Am I Thinking About School? It's Summer!

I tell you, I have been consumed with thinking about what I'm doing in school next year. Joyful Journey, you really got my thinker going! :) This is that time of year that I'm always re-evaluating what I've taught or not taught. I was having a moment of panic today and just poured my heart out to God. I decided to walk away from all my choices for a little while and calm down.

During the "calming down" time, I revisited my bookcases. I have so many good treasures there. I found one that I hadn't read. What's this? I sat down and began reading. A wave of relief rushed over me. I found exactly what I was looking for! (Unlike U2) Whew, Hubby will be glad that I'm not going to have spend more money. ;)

My Kids

I have really been missing my kids. I left town before they had even awakened last Thursday. They came up with Hubby two days later but I had been exposed to the "sickness" so we had to stay distant hoping they would not get it. We traveled apart - again trying to save them from getting ill. I didn't even tuck them in that Saturday night. We couldn't hug or anything. (Yes, I am a germ-a-phobe and if you saw how sick this Small Round Structured Virus makes a person, you would have had a phobia too!)

Late that night I got sick. So I was holed up in my room for two days. They were not allowed to even enter the room. Hubby was an excellent nurse and took very great care of me. Finally on Tuesday I felt strong enough to get up. But since this particular virus can still be contagious up to three days after the last symptom, we weren't taking chances. I kept them at a distance but it was SO HARD!!! I wanted to just hug the guts out of them and smother them with kisses. Today, being Wednesday, I'm still not giving kisses but I have given hugs. I'm missing them so much that I've just got to tell some stories.

Little Mister stood at my door the other night with the saddest (and cutest) expression. He said sorrowfully, "Mommy, I wish you could tuck us in. I just want you to give me kisses." Whaaaa!!! Me too, baby.

My little lady has been a little comedian. She kept me entertained from the door of my room by doing hilarious dances and routines. She also has an incredible voice. My eldest daughter and I have very similar voices, very low and raspy. But Little Lady is quite different. The girl has been able to sing very high notes and on pitch since she was tiny! She has a erethral voice that sounds similar to Charlotte Church. Last night she actually decided to do a concert for me. It was beautiful. It was hard to believe that such a powerful voice was coming out of an eight year old. She usually gets too embarrassed when I'm looking right at her. But for some reason, last night she just belted it out and kept singing. I was mesmerized. It was incredible. I think I should get her in voice lessons - or maybe not. She's doing pretty good on her own.

Little Miss has been an amazing help throughout all this! She has stepped up into the mothering role and helped assist her Daddy in taking care of the younger siblings. By Tuesday it was beginning to wear on her, so I took over from there. Yesterday she asked me to read my blog about Papaw aloud to her. I did it without crying. Then she asked if I could read the comments. I started to, but by the middle one tears started dripping. I told her I was sorry. She patted me and sweetly said, "That's okay Mom. It's alright if you cry." Precious girl. I'm glad she already knows it's okay to cry.

Now you can understand why I'm missing them. Tomorrow I'm kissing those sweet little cheeks, virus or no virus!

The World Minus One Great Man

My Grandpa died early Thursday morning. I was about 20 minutes away from the hospital when I got the call that he was gone. I cried good and hard those last twenty minutes. I've cried off and on ever since.

I couldn't tell you everything He meant to me because I wouldn't have room on the page no matter how long it was. But I can tell you a few things. First and foremost, my life will never be the same. As my Grandmother so perfectly put it, "It won't be any fun around here." Papaw could tell stories. He could have us all laughing so hard we couldn't breathe. He told a few stories that ended with scaring the fire out of you at the end and then you'd be breathless again with laughter. No wonder I love stories so much.

My favorite Papaw sayings were: "Well, law me!" and when I'd tell him I loved him he'd wink and say, "Well, I kinda like you, too!" wrapping his arms around me in a great big hug. Papaw was always handsome. He seemed to grow more attractive with age.

He was a pillar to me. I could never imagine life without him. I still can't. He'd tell my sister and me that he wanted us to sing at his funeral someday, and I'd tell him to stop talking morbid because I didn't want to think about it. We did sing at his funeral, today.

My Memaw and Papaw were married 67 years. That's longer than I've been alive. They loved each other dearly and have been an amazing example of what a marriage should be.

I've lost my Grandfather, my Godly example, my encourager, my teacher but most of all, my friend. When C.S. Lewis' wife died, a friend told him, "Life must go on." To which C.S. Lewis replied, "I don't know that it must, but it does." I know what he means.

Walking

My oldest daughter and I have been walking these last few weeks. It's been a good early-morning connection. We've had so much fun and I can tell she loves having me all to herself. I'm a captive audience. It's been good for me as well because I'm usually too tired at night to talk for long. So, on our strolls, I can catch up on her private world. One morning we even found a $10 bill. Talk about benefits of walking! ;)

Sorry, I'm not having much time to post lately. Hopefully I can catch up sometime soon.

N-N-N-NO!

This morning about mid-morning I started feeling really dizzy. I ate something to try to relieve it thinking that I hadn't eaten breakfast yet. Finally I decided to lay down until it went away. Little Lady came into my room and asked what was wrong. I told her it was nothing but a little dizzy spell.

"Dizzy spell? A dizzy spell?!! Yippee!!!! You're going to have a baby!!!!!" she squealed. Then she ran through the house cheering with glee and telling her other two siblings that I was going to have a baby.

"N-N-N-NO! Honey, I'm NOT going to have a baby. Sweetie, get back in here!" I shouted. Finally she made her way back still jumping for joy. I couldn't help laughing at her enthusiasm. I had to inform Little Miss and Little Mister that their sister was, in fact, mistaken.

When I finally got Little Lady to calm down I asked her what made her think that I was pregnant just because I had a dizzy spell.

"That's what happened to Ma on Little House on the Prairie. She was having dizzy spells and then she was pregnant!" She exclaimed.

That's it. No more watching Little House on the Prairie!

Confused

Last night our elderly neighbor lady came to our door wondering about her girls. She doesn't have any girls so I tried to clarify with her who she was talking about. She said it was her neice and nephew that she was watching. I asked her a few more questions and could tell she was confused. She talked to my kids sweetly as she always does and then told me if I saw the girls to have them come home.

Having a step-father-in-law with Alzheimers, I was worried about her so I watched her walk back to her house and go inside. I began to wonder if her husband was at home and since I didn't want her wandering off I went over to check.

Her husband answered the door. I told him what had happened and that I wanted to be sure everything was okay. He didn't even realize she'd left the house. Then he told me that she was confused. They had recieved pictures of their granddaughters that day and for some reason she had it in her head that they were actually there. He asked me to come inside and talk with her awhile and reassure her that there were no extra children at my house. So I came in and visited.

I hate that I had no clue that she was going through this. I'm not sure how long they've known she was ill. Having watched my Mother-in-Law tend her husband, I know that the caretaker gets very little rest. It's tiring to have someone constantly asking the same questions over and over. Plus the person with Alzheimers usually doesn't sleep well. Because of that it can be truly difficult for the caretaker to sleep restfully because they are worried their loved one will wander off. It's also difficult when the Alzheimer's patient gets something in their head that is not true but they believe it to be true. They are not easily convinced of the real truth. I am sorry for this sweet couple. They are precious people and I had wondered why I hadn't seen them out lately. I wish I would've checked on them earlier.

I'm hoping to be able to "sit" with her so he can have some time to himself. Or maybe just visit so he can talk with someone else. Pray for them. Pray for me to know how to minister to them.

The journey is the destination

The other night, Hubby brought home a movie for me to watch about the children in Uganda. To keep from being abducted and forced into the rebel army, thousands of children leave their villages every evening to walk to the city and sleep because there is more protection for them there. Thousands of children are crammed together on the floor of something like a garage parking lot without an adult in sight. Yet, these amazing children do their homework by candlelight and then fall asleep. They get up before dawn to start their journey back to the villages. They laugh. They dance and sing praising God because they made it another night without being captured.

I'll be honest, the night after I watched this movie I couldn't sleep very well. Here I worry about not having enough money to give my daughter an American Girl Birthday party or that two of my children actually have to share a room. I felt ashamed. It's continued to haunt me. I wish I could take those children and bring them into my house to be safe and have soft carpet to sleep on. It has definitely put things into perspective for me.

Please check out the Invisible Children website. I also recommend another great book on this subject is The Journey Is the Destination. It's the journal of a young photojournalist, Dan Eldon, who also wanted to bring the world's attention to the problems in Africa. He was killed while doing it and his mother published his journal.

Woman Reading

I have this exact picture hanging in my home. It was going to be thrown away by someone else when I salvaged it. One look at it and I was drawn in. I have enjoyed many moments of reading a book only to look up at the pretty woman in the picture doing the same thing. She stands for everything I want to be. She's a reader. She is elegant and beautiful. She's engrossed in the story. Needless to say when I found one that I could post online, I HAD to show it. Enjoy!

Passion

I have stated before how stories drive me. I have tried to understand why. The one common thing all stories have that impact me, is passion. I don't necessarily mean the love kind of passion.

Tonight I found myself again watching one of my favorite movies, Peter Pan. It's not the Disney version but the live action version. (If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it. Although, due to some violent fighting, I don't let my younger children see it.) There is a scene where Peter Pan has been abandoned by all his friends except Tinkerbell. She saves his life and gives up her own. She dies in front of him and he is so broken. He lays her down, kneels beside her grabbing the dirt in agony, and then shouts, "Tiiiiiiiinnnnnnkk!!!". It is so moving. I know it's a fairytale but the pain is universal. His passion is what pulls at my heart strings.

Then there is another movie called, The Story of Us. It's about a marital struggle between a husband and wife. At the end, when you believe the relationship is lost there is a powerful scene where the wife turns to him and pours out her heart. She says that even if she wanted to start over she could never tell the "next guy" that their son looks like him. Or she could never say, "Remember when Julie threw up on the Washington monument?" She goes on referring to memories throughout their relationship. She ends it by telling him she doesn't want a divorce because she loves him. She says that while their marriage isn't perfect she can't imagine having anyone else with her but him. You hold your breath because his expression seems callous. But then he reaches for her and as they embrace he tells her that he loves her too and doesn't want to give up on "us". They both cry and I bawl like a baby EVERY time I see it. (I know, no surprise.)

Of course, I don't just like sad moments, I love any moment that a passionate heart finally connects with another human being. I LOVE the moment when Miss Daisy finally breaks down and tells her chauffeur that he is her very best friend. Or when Rocky triumphs over an unbeatable foe. Or when the knight in A Knight's Tale wins the tournament in the hearing of his blind father. THOSE are incredible moments.

Maybe it's because passionate moments are all around me. Like when my husband proposed and completely took me by surprise (it was HIS birthday, after all). I was so overcome with happiness that I, well you know, cried. Then I told him yes.

Or when my second daughter was born and they could not get her breathing. She was whisked out of the room with "Code Blue" being shouted over the intercom while my husband and I held each others hands in silence; I couldn't breath. That moment the door shut without hearing one cry from my baby girl covered me in fear. Then a few seconds (what seemed like hours) later when I heard her scream loud and clear down the hallway, suddenly I could breath and sob at the same time.

Or the moment when my husband said he felt led to start a church. It would mean great uncertainty for us but I felt like the girl in Titanic, "You jump, I jump."

The moment we found out his father had a brain tumor. They said it was cancerous and that he only had one year to live. He died one year later.

The moment I realized that my tiny baby girl had blossomed into a beautiful Little Miss and it was time to have THE talk.

The moment my Little Lady asked me how to believe in a God she couldn't see.

The moment when Little Mister made a picture of a girl. I commented on how pretty she was. He said, "I like them pretty. Like you, Mom!" And I melted into a puddle on the floor.

How can you not love story? Life would be boring without passion, don't you think?

Big

I had a realization last night that my little mister is really getting big. Why am I just now noticing it? Because he doesn't just let me kiss him whenever I want to anymore. Now he starts to squirm away when I'm being too affectionate. And it dawned on me last night that my time with that "little" one is moving on. Now I don't have any more babies and I'm moving into the later stages of life.

Maybe I'm just feeling emotional because my doctor told me last week at my thyroid checkup that I may be pre-menopausal. What?! ME? I'm too young. Plus he added that I'd gained a good amount of weight in just ONE year. I love it when the doctor is full of good news. :{

But back to what I was saying, there was a storm last night blowing through our town complete with Tornado watch. My little mister suddenly became "little" again. He wanted me to hold him and snuggle him. I cherished every moment and covered his cheeks in kisses until he asked me to stop.

Warning for those of you with babies: In the near future, I may need to hold your little one and give 'em a few kisses.