Fifteen

Today is our fifteenth wedding anniversary. It doesn't seem that long ago. Our wedding day started out beautiful and then ended with an ice storm. The storm followed us all the way to our honeymoom spot. In the middle of the week, we had an accident where our car was tettering off the side of a mountain. We both escaped unharmed and our car was rescued without a scratch. Talk about a miracle!

I'll have to say that it's been a great analogy for the rest of our marriage. We've been through sunny times, icy times and even seen miracles happen in our midst. I thank God for giving me such an incredible life partner!

Santa Slip-Ups (Spoiler Inside Do NOT Let Children Read)

Our Christmas Eve started out as I planned it. We spent the evening with my Dad's side of the family. We came home and put our pajamas on. My Dad read the Christmas story and we all shared what we most liked about Christmas. Then we sang Christmas carols by candlelight. It was picture perfect until the candle wax began to bleed through all the little papers. Little Mister was the first to howl because it burned his hand. So everyone quickly blew out their candle only to find wax on our clothes. So much for picture perfect.

After that, Little Lady pulled me aside to tell me that she knew I was Santa. I wasn't sure if she was testing me or really meant it so I just smiled. "Mommy, tell me! You're Santa, aren't you?" I just kept smiling and told her to get to bed. "After all, you don't want to be awake when Santa comes, do you?" She gave a frustrated grunt and then hurried to bed. ;)

We tucked the kids all snug in their beds and began to prepare the gifts for morning. That's when we realized it. One key bag of gifts was missing! It was two hours away in Tulsa. There were NO stocking stuffers or big gifts to be had. Yikes! To say the least, I was stressing. My Mother, being the organized guru that she is, just happened to remember a bag she had tucked away full of little toys. Whew! One problem was solved. Then we switched out gifts to have some big ones for the kids. Finally, we were finished with the rescue mission. I think after that fiasco we all slept soundly only to be awakened at the crack of dawn by excited kids wanting us to wake up!

Maybe Christmas has become more commercial to me that it should be. I love how my children's eyes light up with new gifts. But I hope I'm portraying just as much excitement about the birth of the Messiah.

Christmas Eve

Well, it's Christmas Eve and I feel like a kid again. I'm home with my parents with all the sights and smells of where I grew up. It's good to be pampered and loved on. My kids are estatic about the fact that there is only one more day until Christmas. They had been counting down for the whole month! :-)

I got my hair cut on Thursday in anticipation of seeing all my friends and family. Well, instead of cut, I would say butchered! It is SO short. When I got home from my salon visit, both my girls commented politely on my haircut. Little Mister came into the room to tell me something and when he caught sight of me he wrinkled his nose and began to shake his head. The message was clear. But just in case it wasn't clear enough, he said, "Mom, you need to grow your hair back out!" Then his little face looked repulsed once more. Got it Baby. Fortunately, my Mom saved the day by highlighting it so the color gave it a little length.

I hope you all have a meaningful Christmas Eve. We will be spending ours with extended family. Afterwards, we'll come home to watch Santa on the radar and finish our night by reading the true Christmas story.

Ironic

On Monday when I took Little Mister to a check-up with the doctor, my two daughters were being very worried about getting germs. Now, for those of you who know me you know I'm a bit of a germaphobe myself. But I've never gone this far. My eldest, Little Miss, wore her gloves inside the entire time so that she would not chance touching any germs. Even though I insisted she could wash her hands, she would not take them off. Then both girls decided they did not want to sit on any chair in the doctor's office since they could get germs that way. I tried to explain that it didn't make much difference whether they stood or sat but neither of them could be swayed. They stood for the entire visit to the doctor (and you know how long that can take). I will have to say that it really made me rethink my germaphobia. Has my influence done this? Maybe, I've talked about it a little too much, ya think?

I talked to them about it when we got home and that they were taking things too far to an unrealistic level. Afterwards, Little Miss said, "Yeah, but I'm going to laugh when you get sick and we don't." To which I said, "It would be even funnier if you girls got sick and we didn't".

Well, guess what?... Little Lady was sick yesterday and Little Miss is sick today. I know that I will probably get it too in the next few days but that's beside the point. The point is:

Isn't it Ironic?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On a more serious note, I've been feeling convicted of late at how much time I have been spending on the computer blogging and checking blogs. So, I'm going to slow it down. I'm limiting my computer use. Just letting you know that my blogs will not be as frequent nor my comments.

I am a person with an addictive nature. I seem to get on a kick and let it consume me. Trying to stop that.

If only I could be addicted to cleaning...

Happiness vs. Holiness

As the Christmas season draws to a close, I am reminded of how much our society (including me) is consumed with being happy. Based on my title, does happiness have to be opposite of holiness? No.

Holy. That is such an allusive word. Most people think of a pious religious person when they think of holy. Unfortunately that word is pride. Holy, is making God bigger to the world. He is huge already. I don't mean we actually help HIM. I mean, like when you open a door and the light shines in. The wider the door is opened the more the light comes in. That's what I'm talking about. Holiness is us opening the door for the world to see His greatness. Being a door opener, I should not do it with a flourish like a Vanna White. Thinking of myself as the "Great Door Opener". No, the greatness is behind the door.

So what does that look like in real life? I can't say for you what that looks like, but I can tell you what I think it is for me. Being a stay-at-home Mom, I think that I make God bigger through my family.
* Enjoying each other and laughing together.
* Children being taught to:
Include younger children in their play.
Obey out of love without complaining or arguing.
Be considerate other people's property (even if it is just a gum wrapper).
Have self-initiative - see what needs to be done and do it before being told.
* As a family, honor each other in the way we speak and in serving:
Pick up those items that I didn't get out.
Put away the laundry even if it's not your chore.
Do fun suprises for each other.
Greet each other warmly.
Be kind, compassionate and grateful to others.

Now, am I saying that's what we are? No! It is a process. I don't want it to be out of duty but out of love. Yes, there are such times that restraint is needed even when we don't want to do it. Such as keeping our mouth shut when we'd like to let the swear words rip; holding back the fist when our sisters boss us for the millionth time; sitting down and being quiet when we'd like to run and play. Self control is never easy but essential in loving ourselves, our family, God and others.

Now, in contrast, if my only concern is being happy then I'm only a step away from being selfish. If happiness is the main thing, then my children could do whatever they want if it makes them happy. It wouldn't matter how it affects others. I could spend all day on the computer, nevermind that the house is a wreck. My husband could go out every night with friends, who cares that the family wouldn't see him. It's about being happy, right?

This is the difference that I see between living for holiness and living for happiness. And because I am a follower of Jesus, I believe that the paradox is that I will find true happiness in the midst of pursuing Him. Holiness is happiness.

Love Actually

I am so excited! I won a Love Actually c.d. on Ebay and it arrived today. Can I just say I LOVE that soundtrack? Especially the song, All I Want For Christmas and it's the exact arrangement with the little girl! I have been JAMMIN' to it all afternoon. Man, I can get stuff done when there is good music going. I was dancing so crazy that at one point my eldest daughter closed all the blinds afraid that the neighbors might see me.

To which I, of course, started dancing even crazier! I love to be onery. I learned from the master (thanks Dad)!

We had 53 people in our house last night for a Christmas party. It was packed! Wall to wall people. It was so fun and a nice diversion from the trying morning that we'd had. But I will have to say that this morning I was quite tuckered out. So I decided it would be Teacher Recouperation Day. NO school. Instead, we had a leisurely morning of playing games (Little Miss won a 4-Game game board last night at the party). Then we made sugar cookies. I bought them each their own package of sugar cookie dough. I don't care that they're not homeade. The kids LOVED having a whole package!

We went to the doctor to make sure everything was okay with Little Mister and it was. He is doing much better, just a bit congested and coughing some. The kids are watching The Grinch with Daddy now so I better go check on dinner. These are the kinds of days that I Love Actually. ;)

Scare

Early this morning about 2:30a.m., I awoke to the sound of my little son coughing. It was more like a barking sound. Drowsy at first, I was trying to figure out what he was doing. Then, concerned that he was vomiting, I ran to his room. He was making a wheezing, barking sound and gasping for air which didn't seem to be able to get in. I could tell he was really struggling to breath. Terrified, I tried to get him to take a drink thinking it was mucus lodged in his throat. He couldn't get enough of a breath to even take a drink. I yelled for my husband to come get him while I searched for the Vicks (the only thing that seems to help Little Mister when he has a cold).

My husband went to him and got him from his bunk bed. We hurried him to the bathroom and I turned the hot water on in the shower. Immediately the steam began to form. He was still struggling. I ran to the phone to call 911. I got through and they were asking me all kinds of questions. I was trying to answer while hurrying back to my son to see how he was doing. She said that help was on the way. Little Mister had now stopped barking and was actually being able to breath better. I told her this and said that maybe they didn't need to come.

She asked if he had asthma. I said no. She asked if he'd ever done this before. I said no. She said, "Then he definitely needs to be seen. We don't have to transport him to the hospital but someone needs to assess his condition." That sounded reasonable to me. The fire truck pulled up quietly with their lights going. Five firemen came into my house. I was shaking and wanted to break down bawling but amazingly held it together.

They talked to little mister and he was acting shy at first. Then the main fireman made him laugh and he seemed more comfortable. They said that it was croup but that his airways were swelling and he needed to get to the hospital for a breathing treatment. We decided that I would take him. The fireman said to get him there within the hour. My heart raced at the sound of his urgency. My biggest fear was that he would start up again in the car on the way there but he didn't. He even asked if we could sing Christmas songs together on the way. It was calming to do something normal.

We got to the emergency room and they were ready for us. The fireman had called ahead to let them know we were on our way. The nurse that checked us in was so kind. Little mister had started laboring with his breathing again but then calmed down when we got seated. They hurridly got us a room with a television. What a blessing! He got to watch cartoons while we waited. He was such a trooper. Never cried through the whole thing. They gave him a breathing treatment. Took x-rays to be sure it wasn't anything but croup. It wasn't. They did see on the x-rays that his airways were swelling. So they gave him steroids to bring the swelling down. I will give him steroids for four more days to make sure he's safe. Finally, after two and a half hours, we were released. We took the morning off and slept in. He is acting himself now. I only have to keep him calm (not a lot of crying) and keep him somewhat still (not a lot of running).

I will have to say that just those few short minutes of wondering whether or not he was going to make it, was enough to scare the wits out of me. I was begging God to save him. I hated feeling so helpless. Tucking him into bed tonight I gave him extra kisses (as well as his sisters) and thanked God for letting me have another day with this little jewel. Moments like these make everything come back into perspective very quickly!

Update on the Bathroom

I know that you are all breathlessly waiting to see if I was able to finish my list today. Well, not exactly but I will say that the bathrooms are almost finished!!!!! That is a big crossing off the list.

My day didn't go exactly as planned but I was able to get most of my agenda complete. There are still leaves on the porch (yes, it's still bugging me Supermom) but I'm hoping to pass that job onto hubby while I'm gone to the wedding tomorrow.


My Incomplete Day

Started out late
Now we're behind
Cereal again for breakfast
Hope they don't mind.

Signed onto Ebay
To check on a gift.
Waiting till the last.
Gotta be swift!

Kids drag their feet
So I crack the whip for chores.
Dusted, swept and windexed
Lastly, mopped the floors.

Stinky under arms.
Hair all eskew.
Take a shower quick!
Need clean clothes too.

Snuggle on the couch
While they recite lessons to me.
Feeling a bit of pressure
To hur-ry!

Start a load of laundry.
Hope I don't forget
To change it out before
They're mildewy and wet.

Instruct my kids to help me
Race to the store.
"Because we have to hurry
That's what for!"

Have three kids of my own
Now add two more.
They play outside
Tramping leaves through the door.

Giveaway off the porch.
Load it in the car.
Should I take it on the trip?
Better unload it once more.

Clean the counters in the bathroom.
The bathtub, sink and toilet too.
Mop the grime around the bottom.
All I can say is ewww!

My house begins to sparkle
Feeling rather light.
Everyone get ready
for Hideaway Pizza tonight.

Why Isn't That Finished Yet?

I just came out of my bathroom dismayed at how little has been accomplished today on that tiny room. I am going to be out of town for a wedding on Saturday and the party is on Sunday. Time is a ticking! I thought I would have the bathrooms finished by now. Why haven't I? What HAVE I been doing?

Well, let's see...there was that part where I was teaching my children how to read, write, spell, do math, fold laundry then PUT IT AWAY, sweep, mop, unload diswasher, tidy bedroom, tidy front rooms and the entryway too . Uh-huh. After the schoolwork and chores were done they were hungry again. What? Didn't I feed you at breakfast? Had to fix that lunch thing.

After that, we were scurrying around to get cute and Christmasy for a Christmas party at the nursing home where Papaw is. Couldn't find shoes, hair needed combing, something sticky on Little Mister's head, yada yada... got it off, try to find tights withOUT holes and finally we are ready. Race to meet Grandma for the party. Get lost. Turn around. Finally arrive. Hurry to program. Enjoy seeing Santa. Children receive presents. Eat cookies with Papaw. Visit for awhile. Say goodbye. Get back into the car. Come home.

Hungry again? Good grief! Didn't you just have cookies?! Fix dinner. Daddy came home. Try to talk to sister on the phone while cooking dinner. Eat. Clean. Check email. Long to blog but decide to wait until later. Need to take turkey to friends. Meeting them at place in town tonight because they live so far out. Have kids put pajamas on because Daddy's home to tuck them in. Daddy gets called in to work. Make kids put clothes on again. Run turkey to friends. Wait while they finish their karate class. Remember we have no toilet paper (and I mean not even a square). Stop at store to get toilet paper. Grab a movie for kids but not sure when they're going to watch it.

Come home and make kids put pajamas back on. Tuck everyone in. Pick up rooms. Sit down to check blogs and decide to write one. Finish blog so I can clean bathrooms. Or maybe that will wait until tomorrow...

Jumble Mumble LOST

The last few days have been full of cleaning up my chaotic house. We are having a Christmas party at our house on Sunday night. Yesterday a sweet friend came over to help me and we worked hard to see lots of progress. I still have the bathrooms to scrub down and my room to straighten but most of the house is in order.

We interrupt this program for a new development. Picture my little Mister's face in front of mine moving back and forth blocking the computer saying, "Come see it! Come see it!!" over and over again. He started counting, "1,2, 3,..." thinking it would work with me like it works with him. L He was dying for me to see a block tower he had made. I stopped to go see it and it was really cool! Then he knocked it down because he said he didn't want to keep it, he just wanted me to see it. I'm beginning to think I need to focus on the fruit of the spirit called PATIENCE!!

Okay, back to the story at hand. Let's see, what was I saying? Ah, yes, cleaning. Well, as interesting as that subject was, I think I'll change it. Yesterday was Little Mister and Little Lady's last day of gymnastics for this year. It was Parent's day to come watch. Hubby came and we were allowed to be in the room WITH the children (usually we are in another room watching through windows to keep from distracting). It was so fun. Little Mister was acting so funny since Daddy was watching. It was almost like he was overachieving. He was doing everything in double time. Finally the teacher, getting cracked up, told him to slow it down. He did amazing. Little Lady then had her class and we watched her do incredible things on the high bars, the balance beams and the long trampoline. She was adorable. Her eyes were more focused on me. She kept smiling for all the pictures I was taking (yes, my friends and relatives, I DO break that camera out every once in a while).

My only regret is that the television series LOST continues to have re-runs. I had thought after my hard day's work yesterday that I would get to find out new developments to the story but much to my dismay, it was ANOTHER re-run. Come on people! Daniel, my friend, I'm sorry but I'm about to ditch LOST if they don't start running some new ones. Maybe we could start watching Apprentice with Martha Stewart...

My Friend, My Foe

There are sins in my life that I have struggled with for years. They feel like friends because they are so familiar. But they are not friends. I see more and more the destruction they bring whenever I turn to them instead of the Father.

It reminds me of a story in the Bible in the book of Hosea where God tells Hosea to marry a prostitute. Hosea obeys and marries Gomer. God uses their marriage as a way of showing His people Isreal what He feels about them. That He loves them in spite of their betrayal (adultery). Gomer has some children but then eventually leaves Hosea to pursue her prostitution again. God tells Hosea to go after her. What woman isn't swooned by a man courageously coming after her? Hosea finds her and buys her back which means she had probably fallen into slavery. Sin always leads to slavery in some form. Hosea brings her home and restores the relationship. He LOVES her in spite of her sins against him. The compassion and forgiveness in this story is immense.

I am Gomer. There are times I feel sure that God has given up on me. He must! After all, how much forgiveness can someone give?! As my Little Lady put it one time, "Don't we only have to forgive 7 times?" She was a little mixed up on the scripture about that and wasn't wanting to forgive her brother. But I can relate to her. Sometimes I don't want to forgive. And yet, HE does. Why?

I was listening to a song from Selah called Mystery. Here is an excerpt of it: "The king was born on Christmas day/Born to save the world/But long before the world began/He knew this day was sure/His pain and strife secure/Mystery/How He came to be man/But greater still/How His death was in His plan/God predestined that His Son would die/Yet He still created man/Oh, what love is this?/That His death was in His hands/ I am just a man that can't begin to comprehend/When you look into these traitors eyes/ Do you see that justifies the plan?"

I don't see how I justify His plan. I love the scripture in Hosea 3:1 when God is speaking to Hosea: "Then the Lord said to me, 'Go and get your wife again. Bring her back to you and love her, even though she loves adultery. For the Lord still loves Israel even though the people have turned to other gods, offering them choice gifts.'" Isn't that beautiful? He loves in spite of betrayal.

I do not understand it. I probably never will.

I've Seen It!

I have seen it! (Yes, I've seen the light but that's not what I'm talking about.) I've seen the movie The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe.

I will have to say that yesterday dragged it's feet until evening! However, I survived. We were at the theater by 6:00 p.m. (the movie didn't start until 7:00p.m.). We had to weave ourselves through the zig-zag line and wait. There was only one person in front of us and we watched the snake line grow as we waited. When we were finally seated we could hardly contain ourselves. Thankfully the previews were good. Our church family surrounded us and filled one long row. That added to the excitement. The movie was great! Of course, it will never be as good as the book. But I think they came really close. It's hard to compete with imagination. :-)

The actors and actresses were amazing. You felt Peter's struggle, Susan's fear, Edmond's pain, and Lucy's love. The White Witch made you throughly hate her. For those of you who haven't seen the movie yet, I won't ruin it for you, but look at what is around her neck in the battle scene. Grrrrrr!

For me, the movie lived up to it's expectation. Now I can enter into everyday life again renewed and refreshed. I love making my own analogies throughout my day. I want to be like Lucy but more times than not, I'm like Edmond.

Kyle was talking this morning about the lineage of Christ and how there were so many messed up people in it. I'm thankful for that because it shows there is a place for me in His kingdom. Whew!

Opening Day!

Yes! The Chronicles of Narnia opens today! It's so exciting. However, I'm not going until tomorrow because we have large group going together. Little Miss is so excited that she's planning out her day tomorrow so that it will not seem so long until the movie.

I have the feeling of being in Narnia today with this cold winter about us. It is SO cold. I woke up several times last night shivering. Our room is the coldest room in the house. This morning it seems cozy so it must be a tad warmer outside.

To Narnia and the North!

Hanging

I am a person who always has stories going on in my mind. I am continually thinking about them and editing them in my thoughts.

But there is also a picture that haunts me. It's of me dangling between cliffs. I am hanging from something or someone. I am being held by a line to my heart. At times I'm grabbing onto the line frantically grasping to keep from falling. Other times I lay back as if floating on water and enjoy the feeling of flying.

The year of my 33rd birthday was one of adventure and risk. Not the kind of risk that could endanger your life but the kind that you continually hold out for until someday you have the courage to do it. That year I learned how to drive a stick shift and promptly tore up my husband's transmission (my car was automatic).

But better than that, I went rock climbing and repelling with my husband and a group of our friends. Now, for those who don't know me, I am not in tip-top shape by any stretch of the imagination. But by some miracle I was able to go on a two hour hike up a mountain (with one of the leaders telling me it was just a little bit further every 15 minutes). About halfway up I was feeling weak and longing to give up. That's when I saw a stick that was thick enough to be a walking stick. I picked it up and from that moment I felt stronger. Just like a good friend that stick helped me make it to the place where we stopped before we had to rock climb. Rock climbing was tricky. I'll admit I was scared but there were people in front of me and behind me ready to help at a moment's notice.

Finally we reached the top of the mountain. My husband came to me with that look you get when you're going to share something wonderful for the first time. He took me through some trees to the edge of the mountain and told me to look. I cannot begin to describe the beauty I saw. It was in the fall and there was every color of tree painting the landscape. I stood there breathless.

After my moment of awe, I was given instructions on how to repel and all the cautions that we would take. If you've never been repelling, there is a certain amount of control you have going over the mountain. You hold the rope that is locked into a harness around you. There is someone at the top of the rope and someone at the bottom who can stop the rope if anything goes wrong. But, if all is well, YOU control how fast or slow you descend the mountain.

My husband and I wanted to descend together so we waited our turn. I watched friend after friend disappear over the side of the mountain and became more nervous as I waited. Finally, it was our turn. I found myself backing slowly over the edge. The edge jetted out enough that it seemed there was nothing below it until you let go and glided past that level then you could see the mountain going down. Getting over that ledge had me holding my breath. I got over it slowly and began to go on down at a little faster pace. We stopped for a moment because I needed a break. I was staring at the rock wall in front of me hoping to not freak out until I made it to the bottom. My husband was beside me saying, "Look, Honey, Look!" I quickly glanced towards the place he was pointing to and saw the most beautiful sunset admist the trees all around us. I only allowed myself a moment because my fear took over. Not only did I see the beauty but I saw how far down I could fall.

It was like that picture that I've always had in my head. I understood it more at that moment than ever before. I could have chosen to let go of the fear and fully enjoy the moment. But I held tighter to the rope making blisters on my hands and focused on the fear.

Someday, I hope to draw that picture that I have in my head. I dream that by then I'll be laying back enjoying the feeling of flying not being frozen by the fear.

Snow Day!

What a beautiful day! Snow covers everything. I awoke this morning to my son's little face in front of me asking, "Mom, can I go look at the snow? Can I go outside?" I raised up to see that it was still dark outside. Yes, for the looking and no, for the going was my answer. It was too early in the morning and too cold. Finally mid-morning I relented and they have been outside on and off ever since.

After all, the public schools are closed why shouldn't we have a snow day? Nevermind the fact that all our school books are in the house along with the teacher! We'll get to that book work soon enough but for now we are learning about precipitation and if powdery snow can make a good snowman. I'll keep you posted.

Big Treat!

Tonight I was able to get away from Mommyhood for an evening and enjoy the company of my good friend. We were Christmas shopping for her kids when low and behold we spotted a Galandriel Barbie Collector's Doll from Lord of the Rings. For those of you not completely smitten with the Lord of the Rings, Galandriel is a beautiful elf queen that is pivitol to the story. (I admitted it already, I'm a sucker for stories) ANYWAY, I picked this doll up longingly and searched for a price. I didn't find one and thinking it would be quite expensive, I started to put it back. My friend, seeing how googly I was about it, suggested that we just see how much it was and tossed it back into the cart. Okay. What could it hurt? I knew I wouldn't buy it anyway.

We finally found a price checker thingy and checked it. When the price appeared we both thought it must be a mistake. I tried it again. No mistake. It was not $40. It was not $30. It was not $20. It was not $10. It was not even $5.00. It was $.98!!!!!! I am NOT kidding.

I did a happy jig in the middle of Toys-R-Us even though I knew it was too good to be true. But low and behold, when I checked out, it was in fact, $.98! I know I am a crazed little girl inside a women's body but I was so excited that I almost cried.

Isn't God good? I know it's silly to be so happy about a doll but I can't help it. She's beautiful. She's got gorgeous long, curly blond hair and she's dressed in a beautiful white robe. Symbolic? I'd like to think so.

It's Coming...

Okay, I admit it. I am a sucker for stories. When I was in fifth grade I read through the Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis for the first time. I devoured them. I have read and re-read these books about five times over the years. The last time was with my children. They have been immersed into Narnia. My son's name is even from one of my favorite characters in the books.

In only four short days ( I quiver as I think about it) the movie opens. I am going to see it with my husband, eldest daughter and church family. I cannot wait!!!!!

Ode to Narnia

Between the wooden walls you stand.
Admist the frosty air and land.
Showing the compassion of a fawn
Refusing to be the witch's pawn.

A young girl with faith that's sure.
Aslan's death the traitor's heart will cure.
The horrors she'll witness will only entice
His love will prevail and destroy the ice.

The four crowns will wait at Cair Paravail
Fierce and strong He will prevail.
Through the battles they will fight
But Aslan is their only might.

Like ours, Edmond's heart is full of pain.
Embrace the love, release the shame.
He is not safe, but He is good.
(I'd jump into the story if I could.)

The End

Because I Said So!

Sometimes I have the feeling that I'm about sixteen trapped in a thirty-somethings body. I thought that when I got to this point in my life I would be oh-so-mature and full of wisdom to share with others. Instead I find myself searching forty minutes for the car keys only to find them in the pocket of the coat I'm wearing. (Yes family, I'm taking my thyroid)

No one ever told me that parenting would be easy. I made the assumption for myself. Mother always seemed to know exactly what to do and the words to say for every situation. I thought that it came with giving birth. The wisdom should just magically appear, right? I realize now that my mom couldn't have possibly been that together (well, maybe SHE could have) . Perhaps it was playing with all those baby dolls that didn't help either. They were always so cute with narry a smell or a fuss. Deceitful!

I am in the midst of having a "tween-ager". Yes, that is the weirdest name I've ever heard of but since we are a labeling maniactic society, I guess we had to come up with it. For those who've never heard this term, it represents being be"tween" a child and a teenager. As if becoming a teenager (being between a child and adult) wasn't enough of a title. We are entering the stage where my words which used to be considered fact by this sweet child will be challenged and questioned. It's hard when being questioned, not to cop out with, "Because I said so!"

My daughter increasingly asks for my time. She especially wants time at bedtime when the house is quiet and the other kids are tucked into bed. (Have I mentioned how I like my alone time?) She wants one-on-one time to talk about anything. She wants my undivided attention. I can remember feeling the same way with my mom. But I find myself whining to God about having to stop my day to cuddle and talk when there is so much to be done. Then feel guilty because I know I'll probably only have another eight years at home with this little girl so I'd better make the most of it.

God is teaching me the art of listening. Little Miss can see when my mind is wandering. "Mom, are you listening?" she asks. I readjust my eyes to her and try to stay in the conversation. Why is it so hard to give my attention to someone so important to me? Is it because her problems don't seem like "real problems" to me? How many times does God listen to me gripe about the laundry when there are people starving in Africa? He's patient with me. I pray that I can parent like God parents me.

Turnabout

Man, I love Sundays. That statement is huge coming from me. About four years ago, I hated Sundays because of church. I hated having to get up early and get my kids dressed in their Sunday outfits screaming while I combed their hair. I hated having to hear an alliterated sermon for what seemed like the millionth time. The only redeeming quality of even going was seeing my friends. I felt bogged down by guilt and what I should be doing. I hated it.

I wonder if it was like that for the people of Isreal when the Pharasees stood up to speak and beat them over the head with what they had "added" to God's Law. I laugh so hard when I read in the gospel of John how Jesus asks them questions they can never seem to answer while he exposes their hidious sins. It feels like the underdog is redeemed after all!

I was sick of religiousity and almost ready to chunk the whole thing. At that time we went to church because we had to (my husband was a minister). There is absolutely nothing worse than religion without love. Someone who says, "I love God but I'm not good at relationships" is lying. If you love God, you will love others. In my mind the two didn't mix. Relationships aren't easy for anyone but I haven't found that a "personality difference" is an excuse in the Bible. I began to doubt God and even if I wanted to follow Him. So, I started studying His word for myself to see if I really knew this God. Novel idea, huh? As I've studied I've begun to see who HE really is. He is not some weak sniffling God who never gives out justice and lets His kids run over him. Nor is He the hard-nosed parent who holds rules above loving the family. He is hard to understand, complex but loving and merciful. He's hilarious and knows how to deliver a line. He's intriguing. Of any word that I can describe Him with, it's that one. I am curious about Him now. He has my attention.

I love how C.S. Lewis describes him as Aslan, the Lion, in The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe. He's not safe but he's good. (Sidenote: Only 5 days until the movie comes out! Can't wait!!!!!!)

That brings me back to my statement at the beginning of this post. I love Sundays. I don't go because I have to anymore. I go because I want to. I love my church now - a group of people who know they are broken, they know I'm broken and they love me anyway.

Family

I love my family. I admit that I'm a homebody and love to be at home. My husband is one of those people who gets energized being with people. I'm one of those that gets energized by having time alone. Ironic huh? God does have his mysterious ways.

My eldest daughter, Little Miss, is a mix of both of us. While she is usually ready to hit the road anytime we're going anywhere she is also the first one to want to get back if we've been away a while. She is brilliant in her creativity. She can instantly come up with a game for younger children out of a tiled kitchen floor and napkins! Her greatest wish for her 11th birthday is that we would grant her permission to babysit. She loves little children and has a knack for keeping them happy (my friends want to steal her). She is constantly learning and making. She's even been helping me knit since she's been knitting for about a year ahead of me. Little Miss likes to live by the rules (I don't know where she gets that). Even at the age of five years old, if we started to back out of the garage without having her seatbelt buckled she would yell at the top of her lungs, "I'M NOT BUCKLED!" She still wants justice and fights hard if she deems a rule unfair. We are becoming closer at her ripe age of 10 and yet struggle at times while she tries to find her independence. It's hard to see my baby growing up. I measured her height today and she's as tall as my eyebrows. Talk about a wake up call, Yikes!

My second born daughter, Little Lady, is eight years old. The title, Little Lady, fits her well because she loves dresses and frills. Her box of dress-up clothes is buldging and yet she looks admiringly at the new ones everytime we're at the store. She is fascinated with little things. She loves Polly Pockets because they are tiny and she enjoys making furniture out of tiny objects around the house. She has a knack for balancing items. When she was eighteen months old I found her balancing her bowl onto the top of her cup while sitting in her highchair. I still find things myseriously balancing in place throughout the house. I consider it a signature that she's been there. She is also an amazing gymnist. When she was a baby people asked me if she had her arms put on backwards because she could hold them so far back and just sit like that forever. She cartwheels her way around the house. One Sunday while I was singing on stage I looked down to see her gangly legs standing straight up in the pew. She was doing a head stand right in the middle of worship. I began to panic but then I had to stifle a giggle. Smiles spread throughout the crowd while Little Lady was oblivious. Well, perhaps God doesn't mind us singing upside down.

Last, but not least, is Little Mister. He is five years old. Talk about quick! He can be a ball of energy just whizzing through the house. He loves playing sports of any kind but especially looks forward to when Daddy comes home everyday. Daddy hardly makes it through the door before Little Mister is asking to wrestle. As soon as Daddy puts away his things the wrestling session begins. I just try to stay out of the way so as not to get hurt. But energized as he is, he can just as quickly settle down for a nice book and a snuggle with Mommy. He loves to draw and color. He keeps all his treasured pictures in an ever-growing notebook which he willingly shows to everyone who comes to visit. He has had to learn to hold his own with two older sisters bossing him around. One Sunday evening, we had an outside speaker come who was ministering in a third world country and sharing with us from his heart. It had been a wonderful service and he was finishing up by explaining what we could pray for. He had moved into the first few pews to be closer to us while speaking with the communion table behind him. Children's class let out early and the children came into the auditorium to find us. Little Lady made it in first and sat on Daddy's lap. Then she saw Little Mister coming around front to make his way to us and decided she should help him. Before we could stop her, Little Lady was behind the communion table grabbing Little Mister's arm to bring him to us. Little Mister in turn threw a punch and they began duking it out behind the communion table. I began to sink a bit deeper into the pew. Daddy quickly got up to play referee and brought the team back to the bench.

Perhaps you can see why I love to be home. I have four very special reasons and because of them, life is never boring.

Destruction of Perfection

It's hard to believe that December is here. I love the start of a new month because it means new beginnings. I hate to fail. I guess there is no one that loves it. But I feel like a gymnist bending over backwards sometimes to keep from failing. Interpretation: I don't try anything so I don't have to fail. Stupid, I know, and I see this weakness in myself. In fact, that's why I'm doing this blog. Sadly enough, even as I started to write today my fear halted me several hours before I could even begin typing. There is something so thrilling and yet intimidating about a blank page. Doing this is forcing me to write in spite of my perfectionistic fear. I know I need to enjoy the journey of writing instead of fearing what may be said, or how foolish I look. Writing is not the only area of my life that I'm paralyzed. It's everywhere.
I had an epiphany while reading Edith Scaeffer's book, Hidden Art, that I could be enjoying all the arts every day without waiting to be the great writer, artist, gardener, cook, musician, ect. I can change my little piece of the planet even if it's not always my ideal. Perfectionism is destructive in how it keeps me from even beginning. So to stretch myself, I have begun to take baby steps everyday so I will incorporate more of the arts in my daily life. I am learning to knit. I draw sketches and doodles on everything from kid's chore charts to my grocery list. I have all types of music playing throughout the day from Mozart to Rap and I dance or sing loudly along with my kids. I set the table and get creative with the centerpiece based on the mood I want to create. It can be as casual (Open peanut butter jar with celery "flowers" sticking out of it) or as elegant as I like (raised cake plate with flowers arranged elegantly and candles all around). I want to create beauty all around me. I want to inspire others and energize them. I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of fearing. Let me aim NOT to be perfect but to be beautifully imperfect.