The World Minus One Great Man

My Grandpa died early Thursday morning. I was about 20 minutes away from the hospital when I got the call that he was gone. I cried good and hard those last twenty minutes. I've cried off and on ever since.

I couldn't tell you everything He meant to me because I wouldn't have room on the page no matter how long it was. But I can tell you a few things. First and foremost, my life will never be the same. As my Grandmother so perfectly put it, "It won't be any fun around here." Papaw could tell stories. He could have us all laughing so hard we couldn't breathe. He told a few stories that ended with scaring the fire out of you at the end and then you'd be breathless again with laughter. No wonder I love stories so much.

My favorite Papaw sayings were: "Well, law me!" and when I'd tell him I loved him he'd wink and say, "Well, I kinda like you, too!" wrapping his arms around me in a great big hug. Papaw was always handsome. He seemed to grow more attractive with age.

He was a pillar to me. I could never imagine life without him. I still can't. He'd tell my sister and me that he wanted us to sing at his funeral someday, and I'd tell him to stop talking morbid because I didn't want to think about it. We did sing at his funeral, today.

My Memaw and Papaw were married 67 years. That's longer than I've been alive. They loved each other dearly and have been an amazing example of what a marriage should be.

I've lost my Grandfather, my Godly example, my encourager, my teacher but most of all, my friend. When C.S. Lewis' wife died, a friend told him, "Life must go on." To which C.S. Lewis replied, "I don't know that it must, but it does." I know what he means.

Walking

My oldest daughter and I have been walking these last few weeks. It's been a good early-morning connection. We've had so much fun and I can tell she loves having me all to herself. I'm a captive audience. It's been good for me as well because I'm usually too tired at night to talk for long. So, on our strolls, I can catch up on her private world. One morning we even found a $10 bill. Talk about benefits of walking! ;)

Sorry, I'm not having much time to post lately. Hopefully I can catch up sometime soon.

N-N-N-NO!

This morning about mid-morning I started feeling really dizzy. I ate something to try to relieve it thinking that I hadn't eaten breakfast yet. Finally I decided to lay down until it went away. Little Lady came into my room and asked what was wrong. I told her it was nothing but a little dizzy spell.

"Dizzy spell? A dizzy spell?!! Yippee!!!! You're going to have a baby!!!!!" she squealed. Then she ran through the house cheering with glee and telling her other two siblings that I was going to have a baby.

"N-N-N-NO! Honey, I'm NOT going to have a baby. Sweetie, get back in here!" I shouted. Finally she made her way back still jumping for joy. I couldn't help laughing at her enthusiasm. I had to inform Little Miss and Little Mister that their sister was, in fact, mistaken.

When I finally got Little Lady to calm down I asked her what made her think that I was pregnant just because I had a dizzy spell.

"That's what happened to Ma on Little House on the Prairie. She was having dizzy spells and then she was pregnant!" She exclaimed.

That's it. No more watching Little House on the Prairie!

Confused

Last night our elderly neighbor lady came to our door wondering about her girls. She doesn't have any girls so I tried to clarify with her who she was talking about. She said it was her neice and nephew that she was watching. I asked her a few more questions and could tell she was confused. She talked to my kids sweetly as she always does and then told me if I saw the girls to have them come home.

Having a step-father-in-law with Alzheimers, I was worried about her so I watched her walk back to her house and go inside. I began to wonder if her husband was at home and since I didn't want her wandering off I went over to check.

Her husband answered the door. I told him what had happened and that I wanted to be sure everything was okay. He didn't even realize she'd left the house. Then he told me that she was confused. They had recieved pictures of their granddaughters that day and for some reason she had it in her head that they were actually there. He asked me to come inside and talk with her awhile and reassure her that there were no extra children at my house. So I came in and visited.

I hate that I had no clue that she was going through this. I'm not sure how long they've known she was ill. Having watched my Mother-in-Law tend her husband, I know that the caretaker gets very little rest. It's tiring to have someone constantly asking the same questions over and over. Plus the person with Alzheimers usually doesn't sleep well. Because of that it can be truly difficult for the caretaker to sleep restfully because they are worried their loved one will wander off. It's also difficult when the Alzheimer's patient gets something in their head that is not true but they believe it to be true. They are not easily convinced of the real truth. I am sorry for this sweet couple. They are precious people and I had wondered why I hadn't seen them out lately. I wish I would've checked on them earlier.

I'm hoping to be able to "sit" with her so he can have some time to himself. Or maybe just visit so he can talk with someone else. Pray for them. Pray for me to know how to minister to them.

The journey is the destination

The other night, Hubby brought home a movie for me to watch about the children in Uganda. To keep from being abducted and forced into the rebel army, thousands of children leave their villages every evening to walk to the city and sleep because there is more protection for them there. Thousands of children are crammed together on the floor of something like a garage parking lot without an adult in sight. Yet, these amazing children do their homework by candlelight and then fall asleep. They get up before dawn to start their journey back to the villages. They laugh. They dance and sing praising God because they made it another night without being captured.

I'll be honest, the night after I watched this movie I couldn't sleep very well. Here I worry about not having enough money to give my daughter an American Girl Birthday party or that two of my children actually have to share a room. I felt ashamed. It's continued to haunt me. I wish I could take those children and bring them into my house to be safe and have soft carpet to sleep on. It has definitely put things into perspective for me.

Please check out the Invisible Children website. I also recommend another great book on this subject is The Journey Is the Destination. It's the journal of a young photojournalist, Dan Eldon, who also wanted to bring the world's attention to the problems in Africa. He was killed while doing it and his mother published his journal.

Woman Reading

I have this exact picture hanging in my home. It was going to be thrown away by someone else when I salvaged it. One look at it and I was drawn in. I have enjoyed many moments of reading a book only to look up at the pretty woman in the picture doing the same thing. She stands for everything I want to be. She's a reader. She is elegant and beautiful. She's engrossed in the story. Needless to say when I found one that I could post online, I HAD to show it. Enjoy!

Passion

I have stated before how stories drive me. I have tried to understand why. The one common thing all stories have that impact me, is passion. I don't necessarily mean the love kind of passion.

Tonight I found myself again watching one of my favorite movies, Peter Pan. It's not the Disney version but the live action version. (If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it. Although, due to some violent fighting, I don't let my younger children see it.) There is a scene where Peter Pan has been abandoned by all his friends except Tinkerbell. She saves his life and gives up her own. She dies in front of him and he is so broken. He lays her down, kneels beside her grabbing the dirt in agony, and then shouts, "Tiiiiiiiinnnnnnkk!!!". It is so moving. I know it's a fairytale but the pain is universal. His passion is what pulls at my heart strings.

Then there is another movie called, The Story of Us. It's about a marital struggle between a husband and wife. At the end, when you believe the relationship is lost there is a powerful scene where the wife turns to him and pours out her heart. She says that even if she wanted to start over she could never tell the "next guy" that their son looks like him. Or she could never say, "Remember when Julie threw up on the Washington monument?" She goes on referring to memories throughout their relationship. She ends it by telling him she doesn't want a divorce because she loves him. She says that while their marriage isn't perfect she can't imagine having anyone else with her but him. You hold your breath because his expression seems callous. But then he reaches for her and as they embrace he tells her that he loves her too and doesn't want to give up on "us". They both cry and I bawl like a baby EVERY time I see it. (I know, no surprise.)

Of course, I don't just like sad moments, I love any moment that a passionate heart finally connects with another human being. I LOVE the moment when Miss Daisy finally breaks down and tells her chauffeur that he is her very best friend. Or when Rocky triumphs over an unbeatable foe. Or when the knight in A Knight's Tale wins the tournament in the hearing of his blind father. THOSE are incredible moments.

Maybe it's because passionate moments are all around me. Like when my husband proposed and completely took me by surprise (it was HIS birthday, after all). I was so overcome with happiness that I, well you know, cried. Then I told him yes.

Or when my second daughter was born and they could not get her breathing. She was whisked out of the room with "Code Blue" being shouted over the intercom while my husband and I held each others hands in silence; I couldn't breath. That moment the door shut without hearing one cry from my baby girl covered me in fear. Then a few seconds (what seemed like hours) later when I heard her scream loud and clear down the hallway, suddenly I could breath and sob at the same time.

Or the moment when my husband said he felt led to start a church. It would mean great uncertainty for us but I felt like the girl in Titanic, "You jump, I jump."

The moment we found out his father had a brain tumor. They said it was cancerous and that he only had one year to live. He died one year later.

The moment I realized that my tiny baby girl had blossomed into a beautiful Little Miss and it was time to have THE talk.

The moment my Little Lady asked me how to believe in a God she couldn't see.

The moment when Little Mister made a picture of a girl. I commented on how pretty she was. He said, "I like them pretty. Like you, Mom!" And I melted into a puddle on the floor.

How can you not love story? Life would be boring without passion, don't you think?

Big

I had a realization last night that my little mister is really getting big. Why am I just now noticing it? Because he doesn't just let me kiss him whenever I want to anymore. Now he starts to squirm away when I'm being too affectionate. And it dawned on me last night that my time with that "little" one is moving on. Now I don't have any more babies and I'm moving into the later stages of life.

Maybe I'm just feeling emotional because my doctor told me last week at my thyroid checkup that I may be pre-menopausal. What?! ME? I'm too young. Plus he added that I'd gained a good amount of weight in just ONE year. I love it when the doctor is full of good news. :{

But back to what I was saying, there was a storm last night blowing through our town complete with Tornado watch. My little mister suddenly became "little" again. He wanted me to hold him and snuggle him. I cherished every moment and covered his cheeks in kisses until he asked me to stop.

Warning for those of you with babies: In the near future, I may need to hold your little one and give 'em a few kisses.

Tagged!

Heartsjoy tagged me to tell six random things about myself. So, here goes...

1. I wanted a red-headed child but they're all blond as sunlight. (Well, at least my husband is still red-headed.)

2. I'm a germ-a-phobe. I don't care if I know you and love you, I'm still NOT going to drink after you (unless I'm dying of thirst since dying of germs would be irrelevant at that point).

3. My mom and my sister, being true extroverts, taught me how to greet people and small-talk with the best of them. But deep at heart, I'm an introvert.

4. A pet peeve of mine is when someone is pretending to listen while they glance about the room. LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!!!

5. I get estatic about graph paper. I LOVE to graph stuff like rooms of the house and change the furniture around on paper.

6. I still bite my nails even though I'm trying to stop.

Okay, now I'm going to tag anyone reading this blog that would like to play this game. You're it!

If - Then and Blessing Charts

These are my two charts (found them at Doorposts). One is the If-Then chart, which shows IF my children choose wrongly THEN this will happen. The other one is a Blessing Chart. When they exemplify good character throughout the week or if I've seen a marked improvement on something that previously was a struggle, they will recieve a reward on Sunday.

Early Mornings

I haven't written anything serious for awhile because I haven't wanted to. I've had a bit of a rebellious heart. God has been showing me how I've been "eating the bread of idleness". I love to sleep, and I would much rather plan things than actually do the work. I'm lazy. I admit it. And it's wrong. So my conviction grew until I finally repented.

"Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where He prayed." Mark 1:35 Jesus did that?! Hmmm.

"At daybreak Jesus went out to a solitary place." Luke 4:42 I love that word, solitary. For me, it translates, "alone" and I love to be alone.

"She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls." Proverbs 31:14 My servant girls are my dishwasher, coffee maker, crockpot, oven, washer and dryer.

"In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation." Psalm 5:3

This is from the Message translation because I love how it's worded:
"First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started." Proverbs 31:17 Eager? Well, God's working on me.

Starting this last Monday, I've been getting up at 5:00a.m. Shocking, I know. But as much as I hate to admit it, this night owl is beginning to enjoy her mornings. It's been such a jumpstart beginning my day with an hour to read, study and pray uninterrupted. Then I'm wide awake and able to get completely ready from head to shoe (she dresses for work). I begin my morning "workout" by swishing and swiping the bathroom before I leave it. I rush to the kitchen and get my "servant girls" started. I set the timer and hurry to tidy up all the hot spots that seem to collect clutter. I run through the front rooms (kids are still sleeping so I don't want to go into their rooms yet) throwing away any trash and collecting things that belong in another room for the kids to put away. My blood is pumping now and I grab a load of laundry to fold or put into the washer. I hurry to put clothes away. I start breakfast and begin working on dinner. By now it's time to get the kids up so I wake them and set the timer for 30 minutes while they do their morning chores. I rush back to the kitchen to set the table then check on dinner and laundry. I review my calendar to see what is ahead for the day and prepare anything needed for school. By the time my kids come to the table I am ready for another cup of coffee and I rejoice that my morning "workout" is done.

It's nothing short of a miracle for this sleepyhead!

The Church

This video really struck me as what the church should be. I love you, all my friends and blogging friends. This is dedicated to you.

Pink

Okay, I believe that I have officially trumped Heartsjoy and Supermom on the hair fiasco. I have a new way of dying my hair. Instead of using regular dye, why not try Easter egg dye? Yes, you read it right.

I was letting my children dye Easter eggs and they were very careful not to let any of it spill. We had foil underneath everything. Well, wouldn't you know it? As I was cleaning up, I spilled the hot pink color. It was on the table (yes, it stained but fortunately it was not my "good" table), on the floor (got most of it up) and all over my hands. Well, I must have unknowingly run my fingers through the back of my hair in a moment of frustration because at dinnertime Little Lady asked me why my hair was pink. "What?" I asked, thinking that surely she was joking. Nope! All my children agreed that I had pink streak running through the back of my hair. You know, it couldn't be in the front where it would look like I was trying to be cool. It's in the back in a very obsure place. I frantically tried washing it out but it did not come out. So now I'm sporting around a sort-of pink "do". Well, it's fitting for springtime, don't you think?

Prayer Time

Early this morning, I was able to be part of a prayer vigil Rivendell was having throughout the night. My hour was from 1:00 - 2:00a.m. I was really excited about it. It's not often that I get an entire hour with the Lord uninterrupted. The prayer room was set up with about five or six different stations. It was all extremely moving. This morning I feel refreshed, refocused and a bit mournful imagining how the disciples must have felt. I'm glad that Sunday is coming for celebration but right now my heart is quiet and thoughtful.

Crybaby

Does it come with age? I have become the biggest crybaby! I swear, a commercial comes on with a little sentimental flavor and tears start dripping off my face. I find myself trying to hide it because my kids have caught on. "Mom, are you crying over that?!" "Yes, I am," I say sniffling.

If I'm watching a movie or reading a book, I cry at the tender moments, the sad moments, the climatic happy moments, the kissing moments and the restoring moments. It's so ridiculous! I've even been known to start crying while someone is telling me a story, right there in front of them! How embarrassing. Maybe it's just that I've hit middle age and I'm feeling everything deeper. At least, I hope that's it.

I think I need a Kleenex, sniffle.

The Write Way

This weekend my kids and I visited my parents who live about two hours away. We had such a good time. It was refreshing for me, like the Fellowship of the Ring coming from Rivendell. (Sorry, I just read barefootpoet's blog so I'm in the Lord of the Rings mode.)

I've been thinking about writing a lot lately. I have tried my hand at it so many times. I even went about six months sitting at the computer everyday for at least an hour to get a story of mine down. I've written articles and the like. But the only thing I've ever had published was a story I wrote in high school that my teacher sent off and it was published in a small youth booklet. I LOVE stories. They speak to me. I've said before that there are stories going on in my mind all the time. I re-work them at bedtime. But lately I've avoided putting them on paper. Don't know why. I wrote a fictional book once and I still have it tucked away in my "writer's briefcase". I've never sent it off. Everytime I read it I find something that I want to change. How do writers put their story on paper and then just leave it?!

I was told about a man who asked C.S. Lewis how he wrote his books. C.S. Lewis said something like, "I see the whole thing in my mind and then I write it down." Incredible!

Writing is harder for me than drawing. Maybe because I'm harder on myself in doing it. Art seems to be forgiving. Even if you make a mistake, you can creatively "fix" it. Writing seems so concrete. It has right and a wrong way. However, the content should be what releases me. I have a difficult time getting down on paper what I have in my head. Maybe I should just do like I've done with learning to draw. I could again devote a certain amount of time to it every day. Maybe my perfectionism is stopping me again. Thinking that if I can't do it perfect then I don't want to do it at all. My dad has inspired me. He has been writing a book about his time in service during the Vietnam war. He said he's thought about it for a long time but is finally putting it to paper. I'm so proud of him. I need to just take the leap and quit talking about it. ;)

The Outing

Yesterday I thought we had an orthodonist appointment at 1:00. We took off but when we arrived there we noticed that there was a significant absence of cars, as in, none. I walked up to the door but it was locked and dark inside. I went back to the car to check my calendar only to realize that the appointment is NEXT week. Oh well, at least we didn't miss it. So off we went to buy The Chronicles of Narnia DVD.

Our favorite Thrift shop was on the way so we decided to stop. The kids ran to the toy section while I began browsing the clothes. As I looked through the clothes, I heard the woman working at the register talking on the phone to someone. She was getting angrier as she spoke and louder at that. Finally, the woman was so upset that she slammed down the phone. She turned my way as if embarassed that I might have heard something. I kept myself busy but I hurt for her. She quickly called someone else who seemed to console her and I was glad. I wondered what my role was in that moment. She seemed to overt her eyes from me from that point on. Maybe she was embarassed.

When we checked out she chit-chatted with me and I smiled at her. I hoped that it might brighten her day a bit. I wondered what more I could do. Should I outright ask if she's okay? She wasn't the lady that is normally in the store so I hadn't built a relationship yet. But does that matter? I walked out having just left a smile. I hope that was enough.

Little White House

Sunday afternoon, my family went for a drive and decided to check out a house a friend recommended that is up for sale. As soon as I saw it, I fell in love. It's like the dream house I've always wanted. It's a little Gingerbread house, as I call it. It's an older home with lots of character. The house was not open but we looked into the windows. The front porch was large the way I like it. The living room opened into the dining room with a dome shaped opening.

The kitchen was re-done and updated. It was adorable. Even the utility room was a cute little room tucked into the side of the house with pantry shelved walls. The backyard was quaint with large trees - a huge plus for me. Just down the street stood an awesome park. The backyard also held a great deck. There was a den downstairs in the basement with a fireplace. The garage had been changed into an apartment which would be great for helping with housepayments or maybe a Mother-in-law apartment. The only thing I didn't like about the house was that there was no garage. But I could live with that.

I have adored these type homes ever since we moved into this town. I'm trying not to think about it too much. It's not like we need to move. We have a great house already. I love my home. But it's fun to dream.

Soul Song

I cannot tell you how excited I am to have this song video on my blogsite!! I LOVE THIS SONG! I have looked and looked for a way to have, Uninvited, playing but could not figure it out. My sweet sister explained how to do it and now I keep replaying it because I can. Alanis Morrisette has such a powerfully, unique voice. I love her style (not a fan of all her songs but a lot of them). This song in particular has been a heart-song of mine for awhile. The way the song speaks to me is that I am very uninviting of God. Yet He pursues me. I love the end of the song when she says, "I don't think you unworthy, but I need a moment to deliberate." I hope you enjoy it!

Here are the lyrics:

Like anyone would be
I am flattered by your fascination with me
Like any hot blooded woman
I have simply wanted an object to crave
But you, you’re not allowed
You’re uninvited
An unfortunate slight

Must be strangely exciting
To watch the stoic squirm
Must be somewhat heartening
To watch shepard meet shepard
But you, you’re not allowed
You’re uninvited
An unfortunate slight

Like any uncharted territory
I must seem greatly intriguing
You speak of my love like
You have experienced love like mine before
But this is not allowed
You’re uninvited
An unfortunate slight

I don’t think you unworthy
I need a moment to deliberate

Hospitality

I've been thinking about Hospitality a lot lately. Now that Flylady has entered my life, my home is not in the chaos it once was. So, I should be free to ask people over, right? Then why don't I? I LOVE getting together with my girlfriends for a Girls Night Out. I enjoy getting to know new people. So why don't I invite them over more often? Am I frozen again by that dreaded word, fear? Please! Haven't I learned that lesson already?! Why can't I just reach out and ask?

The answer: I don't know. I've been mulling it over in my mind so much these last few days that I'm wondering if it's conviction. Of course, I know that there are those times when I'm exhausted that I don't want to be around anyone; I just want to be alone! But that's not okay for every night. I could at least set aside one night a week to merge into someone else's life, couldn't I? Isn't that Biblical? I re-read a blog from This One's For the Girls that inspired me. And yet, I am still sitting here and not calling anyone to set a date. My procrastination is bugging me. I know that half of doing it is simply planning it. So maybe I just need to get my calendar out and go for it! Any words of wisdom would be welcome.

Jungle Fever

I was doodling today with my lessons. I had fun playing around with all this color. Although, I think I need to invest in some really good markers.

Connecting

I felt restless this morning. The morning was moving along nicely but my heart was heavy with several things. Even as I read the Bible I wasn't connecting. "God, I need you. Please show yourself. I need to hear from you." I was flipping through the Bible trying to find a passage that would speak to me. But finally I closed it because I had no idea what to read. Isaiah 43 popped into my head. Huh? I opened my Bible to that passage. This is what I read:

But now, O Isreal, the Lord who created you says: "Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name. You are mine. When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Isreal, your Savior...You are honored, and I love you."

Tears of relief. Thank you God.

I Think Of You

Into the phone she spoke
And told the fearsome news.
The untrasound showed something wrong.
Using the scale of one to four.
Yours was a four plus.
Dreaded.

I cannot read. I think of you.

No food tonight.
They fear the worst.
Everything is urgent.
Tomorrow under the knife you go.
Perhaps a lymph node too.
Frightened.

I cannot sleep. I think of you.

I know you think of her.
She seemed like your sister
More than your mother.
They told her what they're telling you.
Would God let this happen twice?
Overwhelmed.

I try to pray. I think of you.

What does tomorrow hold?
What have you told your children?
I see mine sleeping and wonder.
Where did you find the words?
What are you thinking?
Saddened.

Tears are falling. I think of you.

Please pray for my friend tomorrow and her family.

Drawing School

Well, my drawing school continues. I have been learning so much from the book I'm reading. In fact, while I was doing some of the lessons my eldest daughter came in and looked at my work. She said it was exactly what her art teacher had taught her. The more we talked we discovered that she's been going through these same lessons. She's ahead of me but it was fun "talking art".

I have been so consumed with drawing that I've been letting the Art of Homemaking go to the wayside. So last night I tided up and it felt good. I decided that I want to have art supplies in the kitchen but I also want the ability to put them out of sight. So I began cleaning out the cabinets to make room. Some of my cabinets were orderly but some were just a jumbled mess. My spice cabinets were pathetic. When I started sorting the spices I realized that I'd bought doubles because I couldn't see what I had. So I took them out, sorted them and stored them alphabetically in three different plastic shoe boxes. Yes, I had THAT many! No wonder that cabinet is always in shambles. I de-cluttered my baking dishes. I still have quite a few but I whittled down a lot. Then I attacked my plastic dishes with lids. Man, those can get out of control in a HURRY! I got rid of half of them because they didn't have lids or were damaged in some way. It was nice to get so much cleared out. Now I have a cabinet by my little desk that is cleared out and ready to put my art supplies in.

I started clipping "ideas" from magazines last night of things to sketch and put them in a little box. Maybe someday I'll have files of things to choose from, but for now my little box will do. Well, I need to go. My children seem to be dragging their feet this morning. I think we've been on spelling words for forty minutes! :) I need to get the fire going under their tushies. We've still got math and history to go!

First Sketches

Here are some of my first sketches. I haven't posted pictures before so bear with me. I had to erase my name while editing all of these thus the little white box in each of the pictures. First-timer's mistake I guess. I'll know better next time! This afternoon I am reading through Drawing with Children - A Creative Method for Adult Beginners, Too by Mona Brookes that Supermom (also an artist) graciously loaned me. I am thoroughly enjoying it so far!

If there are any sketching tips you'd like to give, fire away.

Sketching Crazy

Since I bought that sketch pad the other day, I have been a sketching maniac! My little mister told me today, "Mom, you are drawing EVERYTHING!" He's right. Anything standing still is fair game!

Today I even attempted to sketch my sister. When my kids saw it, two out of three guessed it was her. That's improvement. So far I've drawn: a window, a jar, a vase, a half-eaten cupcake, a Build-a-Bear, a Ken-like doll, Little Mister's shoe (It's his fault, he left it out), a candle, Little Miss (while she was watching a movie), Little Lady (from a picture - she and little mister won't sit still enough yet), flowers off of my kitchen wallpaper, pepper shaker (until the waitress moved it) and numerous other sketches that I've tried to duplicate from books. I'm having SO much fun!!

Encouraging!

I received this email today. I just had to share this after my last post.

"...reminded me of a study that changed my attitude about aging. It evaluated famous people throughout history from all walks of life and occupations (artists, statemen, writers, etc.) and ranked them according to the importance of their greatest accomplishment and the age at which that accomplishment took place. It was determined that 35% of the world's greatest accomplishments (as ranked by critics) were completed by people in their 60s; 23% were done by people in their 70s; and 6% by those in their 80s. In other words, 64% of the greatest accomplishments of all time have been done by people who are 60 or over!"

Encouraging, huh?

Loosing Perfection

Lately I have been learning how to let go of my perfectionism. Now, I'm not one of those perfectionists who does everything perfect. No, I'm the one who fears doing anything because I can't do it perfect. Flylady has been teaching me how to overcome that in homemaking. As she says, "Housework done incorrectly still blesses the house."

There are so many things that I long to do but don't because I don't know how. Translation: I'm afraid I'll do it wrong. I'm a homeschool teacher right? So you would think that it would have occured to me that sometimes the only way to learn something is to jump in and do it! Like when I'm teaching my kids how to bake something. I could tell them everything I do, let them read about it in a book and even taste the finished treat. But the best way to teach them how to do it is to let them do it.

I was fearful of writing, but this blog has been my stepping stone for overcoming that. I've also been longing to sketch. And seeing Stephanie (she's also here) just put it out there for everyone to see has been so inspiring (I hope you don't mind that I keep referring to you). It made me realize that my perfectionism is once again holding me back. So, last night as I ran to the store for some milk, I bought myself some tracing paper (to learn from other drawings) and a sketch book. After my kids went to bed I sat down and began tracing anything and everything. Then I started sketching free-hand. It was so exillerating! I felt free. At one point I thought to myself, oh, I probably shouldn't sketch anymore on this page, it's getting full. What?! What difference does it make? I'm free from being perfect! So I continued adding more to that page just to prove to myself that it didn't have to be perfectly spaced. (And for those who know my graphing fettish, this is huge!)

And do you know what happened? My kids came in this morning, saw my drawings and immediately wanted some paper to draw on. They drew without hestitation. I smiled and felt this overwhelming relief. They are not yet thorted with perfectionism. And maybe, by some miracle, they never will be.

Finding Me

I was reminising about my college years and feeling a tinge of regret that I can't go back to that person. She was happy, thin, and filled with hope for the future. She laughed a LOT. Where did she go? Is she still down in me somewhere? Sometimes I get glimpses of her. Other times I feel horribly distant from her like that was millions of years ago and that I'm not even that person anymore. The other day I found a notebook full of notes from classes or just things I'd gathered during my senior year in college that meant something to me. It was a walk down memory lane. And the most reassuring thing was that what I wrote so long ago seemed familiar. She was still me and I was still her.

I have been reading a book lately called Thin Again by the Hallidays. He uses the imagery of being wrapped in grave clothes like Lazarus. It's like all the pounds I've gathered over the years or other addictions that I've had are the things I've wrapped around me to keep me safe or to lock in my deepest hurts. Only, I'm not dead. So why am I wearing grave clothes? Layer by layer, God has been lifting them. It makes me feel naked and scared sometimes. Other times I feel free. Since one of my addictions has been food, He's showing me how to turn to food only when I'm physically hungry but to turn to Him when my soul is hungry.

I want to be so much more than my stupid struggles. Maybe living this life is always going to be with the tension of struggles and beauty. Beauty lifts my spirits and restores my hope. So I enjoy Stephanie's sketches; read other blogs; watch the rain and listen to Switchfoot sing When I Look At the Stars. Thanks God, for beauty.

Monday

I am loving these rainy days. It makes me want to take a very long nap...ZZZzzzz

However, I have a little sick boy that's had a virus of high fever and horrible coughing for the past five days so none of us are sleeping too well. The doctor's office called this morning to check on him. I have NEVER had that happen before. I told them that he was still coughing, that his fever was up and his appetite was down. They told me to bring him back in. They did Xrays on his chest and told me that he had a slight form of pneumonia so they're starting him on antibiotics. The poor little guy is pretty weak. He keeps complaining about his "wiggly legs". The girls seem to have a form of the virus too but they have not been as sick as he has.

Tonight is the Switchfoot concert that I was supposed to go to. Oh well, it's not that bad. After all, I love being home and I checked out a movie to watch after the kids are in bed. Little Miss is going to the concert thanks to Daddy helping with it. I lovingly refer to him as the "Big Kahuna".

I'm trying desperatly to keep my house looking tidy even with sickness in the house. I am determined not to fall too far behind again. I've got a good thing going and I don't want it to end! Hubby did like 12 hours of laundry over the weekend. That's one area that I have not put in my routine yet. No, I'm not kidding, we were that behind and he took it upon his precious little self to do it ALL (wash, fold and put away). Applause for the Big Kahuna!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, I hear little Mister starting to hack again so I better go check on him. It's getting close to dinner time, maybe we'll have some Chili Frito pie...

Spring Break

We've had Spring Break this week with my sister and her kids. It has been SO MUCH FUN!! We've played at the park, adopted new friends at Build-a-Bear, acquired new clothes at a thrift store, stayed up late, slept in, practiced and put on a "show" at our very own skate rink (backyard patio), had a Moms-Only night out on the town while Hubby watched the kids, and shared the joy of watching Bride and Prejudice AND Pride and Prejudice. (Yes, those are both new movies out this year and since I LOVE Jane Austin, we had to watch them both.) I am very sad that my sister's leaving to go visit my parents but I guess they deserve their turn too. ;)

One very valuable lesson that I learned this week: You can lay out breakfast the night before and not have to get up to feed everyone. It's very handy for sleeping in.

If you're wondering how we did that, here's the (not sugar-free) list:

• Monday morning: Krispy Kreme Donuts, individual Capri-sun juices

• Tuesday morning: Pinch me cake (made ahead and sat covered on a cake plate) with little fruit bowls that were pre-cut and Saran-wrapped in the fridge.

• Wednesday morning: Banana bread (sliced and in a large baggie in the middle of the table) and cereal boxes set out with non-breakable bowls at each place (milk in cups in the fridge, ready for pouring if needed).

• Thursday morning: Bagels (on the table in bag) and cream cheese (in the fridge) with granola bars handy in a bowl for the picking (in case someone didn't want a bagel).

My next idea is to try slow-cooking oatmeal or eggs in the crock pot for a hot breakfast in the morning without having to wake with the dawn.

P.S. I am not sure what is with the weird font and sizes. I've tried to correct it over and over but I can't seem to get it to post right. Oh well, it adds a certain new flavor to the blog, don't you think?

Things I Heard This Morning

Things I Heard This Morning:

1. They don't want me to play with them. (What they actually said was they didn't want him to play like he was an animal. They did want to play something else with him.)

2. Daddy showed me a dead mouse!!!

3. My sister usually wakes me up, well, scares me up.

4. I hope there isn't a family of mice in there.

5. Man, I would like to see that (dead mouse) if I get a chance!

Grocery Marathon

Today I did a grocery marathon. I have company coming and they will probably want to eat while they're here. :) I had some great coupons from some of the big price stores. So I mapped out my plan and took off.

First stop: 10 lbs of lean hamburger meat for $1.46/lb; green beans, corn and creamed corn for $.25/ea. Ahead of schedule, I zoomed to second store. (Fortunately, these stores are not too far apart!)

Second stop: Milk for $.88/gallon; Capri-Sun individual juices 10/$1; 2 lbs. of Baked Chicken Tenders for $6; and large Gatarade for $.88. Long line delayed me but my car was in a close parking spot.

Final stop: Aldie's -my favorite store! My grocery cart was more than overflowing. I was having to hold some of the stuff on board. I bought almost a month's worth of groceries for a family of five and still had $50 left in my grocery budget!!! (See why I LOVE that store? That's enough money for two boxes of Angel Food!) I was feeling gleeful inside but the people behind me were getting impatient. It took me about fifteen minutes to sack it all because I didn't have my helping hands. Got home. My helping hands rushed out to meet me and exclaim over all the food. They were glad that we weren't low on everything now. Meaning: bread, cereal or milk. Thankfully, the toilet paper was holding out. Everyone was hungry. I told them that work came before food. Groceries were put away quickly and we all enjoyed the chicken tenders.

Tomorrow's journey: Bake and cook till the freezer's full; and clean until my house is shiney! Stay tuned to find out how Banana Bread turns out...

Little Happies!

Just a few little happies that have come my way lately:

1. Just when I was having my Homeschool -Mom-Monthly-Meltdown about whether or not my kids were learning ANYTHING, my eldest daughter popped her head into my doorway and asked, "Do you know where the Mozart c.d. is?" She knows that's Mozart?! Handel began singing in my head Haaaaaaaalleluia, Haaaaaalleluia, Halleluia, Halleluia, Halleeeeeluuuia!

2. The other day my kids asked Hubby about moving to a new house. He answered, "The way our house has been looking lately, I don't know if I want to move." Again, Handel began singing in the background and my smile went ear to ear. Could you say that again, Honey? I'm not sure I heard that right the first time.

3. My sister is coming to visit next week! Girls just wanna have fu-un, Ohhh, girls just wanna have fun.

4. I gave five boxes, and three trash bags of "stuff" to Salvation Army. And I've scheduled them for pick-ups for the next three weeks to motivate myself to keep de-cluttering and getting rid of things I'm not using. I feel lighter! I can Fly, I can Fly, I can Fly!

5. Chocolate eggs. I ran an errand last night to Drug Mart and wouldn't you know it? Their Dove chocolate eggs were on sale. I bought a package and enjoyed a few tonight. Mmmmm. Sorry, but I can't think of a song for this one.

Note: In my comments, Michelle came up with the perfect song for this: Oompah-Loompah, Doopa-dee-doo... I just had to add it!

No Condemnation

No condemnation - those two little words have so much packed into them. Last week was depressing. I couldn't shake it. So by the weekend I had to take a good long look to see what was going on. I found it. It was my old "failure routine". You know, that montage of failures that replays itself everytime you mess up. This is going to sound weird but, I realized that I hadn't forgiven myself. God was gracious to remind me that Jesus did not come into this world to condemn the world. So why was I still condemning myself? Yes, I still mess up. I'm sinful. But I don't have to stay connected to my failures for all eternity. I can let it go.

That afternoon, I ran an errand to the eyeglass place to get my glasses fixed and adjusted. I was having one of those, "I feel fat" days. My condeming thoughts started again. "You look ridiculous in those jeans." "You're never going to get this weight off." "People are staring at you." "I hate this body." Then I realized what was happening and in my mind I said, "Stop!" I stopped. My heart answered all those yucky thoughts with, "Yes, I am overweight, but God is helping me in that area. And yes, I might not look like a teenage model but doggone it, this body has served me well! It carried three beautiful children for nine months each and then birthed them. My legs take me anywhere I need to go. My arms have hugged countless people and worked hard at making my house a home. Even my tushy has given me adequate comfort while I sit. In fact, this body has been wonderfully made and I should be thankful for it. Maybe, I actually like it! So there."

The thoughts were silent. No condemnation.

Cooking Questions

This is a questionaire from a friend of mine. She tagged me to do it and I thought it would be fun.

1. How many meals does most of your family eat at home each week? How many are in your family?
We eat almost every meal at home. We do eat out on Sunday evenings and sometimes Sunday noon. There are five in our family.

2. How many cookbooks do you own? Six! I've been cleaning them out and I've given away lots of them. I've been putting my favorite recipies in my recipe box so I don't have to hunt through an enormous pile of cookbooks to find that one recipe. My favorites are:
1. Miserly Meals written by Jonni McCoy and
2. Kraft Food and Family magazine that is FREE if you sign up online. Supermom introduced me to it and I love how most of the recipes are simple but delicious. I don't usually sign up for magazines because they become clutter around my house but this one is worth it!

3. How often do you refer to a cookbook each week?I usually look at them weekly. I try to have my meals planned a week at a time and plan them on the day of the week before Errand Day so that I'm ready to go grocery shopping.

4. Do you collect recipes from other sources? I always love getting a new good recipe. Anything I eat at someone else's house or a potluck, I ask for the recipe!

5. How do you store those recipes? I usually store them in my recipe box. But Michelle mentioned putting them in a photo album and that sounds like a great idea!

6. When you cook, do you follow the recipe pretty closely, or do you use recipes primarily to give you ideas? I do both. I like following by the book but if I don't have an ingredient then I put in something different. Some of our favorite meals came out of improv!

7. Is there a particular ethnic style or flavor that predominates in your cooking? If so, what is it? Home-style. I try to have creativity throughout the week if I can. For instance: Chicken casserole, meatloaf, Tortillini, Vegetable soup, and something in the crock pot for Errand Day.

8. What’s your favorite kitchen task related to meal planning and preparation? (eating the finished product does not count) Choosing the meals and thinking through the week.

9. What’s your least favorite part? Washing the dishes. I don't mind loading the dishwasher it's just the hand washing that drives me crazy. I know it doesn't take that long but mentally I have a block.

10. Do you plan menus before you shop? Yes, it helps me stay focused and not be tempted to buy extras, saves money.

11. What are your three favorite kitchen tools or appliances? My dishwasher, my ceramic slow cooker ( my mother-in-law gave me for a wedding gift and it's still working wonders), and my coffee maker (can't deny loving that Heavenly juice).

12. If you could buy one new thing for your kitchen, money was no object, and space not an issue, what would you most like to have? A new oven. Mine is old but it still works fine. But if money were no object I would enjoy all the new gadgets on a brand new one.

13. Since money and space are probably objects, what are you most likely to buy next? Pampered Chef vegtable steamer because my sister keeps raving about hers.

14. Do you have a separate freezer for storage? Yes, and it's a large one. I love it! It's especially great when I'm having company. I can cook ahead and freeze.

15. Grocery shop alone or with others? Mostly with others since I homeschool and my kids are with me most of the time. But I shop at Aldi's my most favorite store. My kids are great at being my runners. We also form an assembly line to bag all the groceries; unload them into the house and put them away. It actually takes much longer now when I go alone. I don't have all my helping hands. L

16. How many meatless main dish meals do you fix in a week? Probably one. It's either mac'n'cheese or some other kind of pasta.

17. If you have a decorating theme in your kitchen, what is it? Favorite kitchen colors? I don't really have a theme other than a romantic look. The colors I have now were there when we bought the house. It's dark blue and cranberry with floral wallpaper. I like it. But, if I could pick my favorite kitchen color it would be a sunny yellow. We are in there so much that I would like it to be light and airy with bright color accented elsewhere, like red, orange, purple, and green.

18. What’s the first thing you ever learned to cook, and how old were you? Hmm, it would either be chocolate chip cookies, mac'n'cheese or tuna casserole. I was probably in 4th or 5th grade.

19. How did you learn to cook? I learned a lot from watching my Mom. She was an incredible cook but I didn't really take an interest until I was engaged to be married. It was sort of a crash course. Then I continued to learn just by following recipes and doing it. (Still learning by the way)

20. Tagging… I’m tagging Supermom and Kyle. But only if you have time and want to play, of course… I won't be offended AT ALL if you opt out. It's kind of lengthy, I know.

Holding Out for a Hero

You know that song, Holding Out For A Hero by Bonnie Tyler? The one that says, "I need a hero, I'm holding out for a hero till the end of night, He's got to be strong, He's got to be fast and He's got to be fresh from the fight". (For you young'uns, it was the song on Shrek2 when he comes back to save his lady) Well, that was my song last night and boy did my hero come flying in! Hubby came home (must have had that super-hero costume on underneath his clothes) whisked the kiddos outside for some skating and baseball. The kids came running into the house saying Daddy was taking them to the park near our house. I cringed. They all needed baths and LOST was coming on in an hour. I explained my dilemma to him. He smiled and said, "Don't worry, you can watch your show. I'll take care of the kids." Sigh. See why I love this man?!

So he gave me an hour of silence BEFORE my show and then let me have uninterrupted T.V. time. I did laundry, cleaned out drawers, cabinets and such. Getting so much accomplished and having some time to de-grump lifted my spirits. I finished my day by reading in bed and fell into much-needed sleep. I awoke this morning refreshed. But two fights, five whines, and eight interruptions later I'm beginning to wonder if I'll need that hero again.

Insert Loud Screaming Here!

Today has been one of those days. Everything is getting on my nerves! I feel like I'm just in a bad mood but is that really a good excuse? I know it's not. I have HAD it with the constant interruptions and complaining! For example, Little Mister came into my room whining about several things. I didn't want to hear it. I told him to go into his room until he could come back and talk to me without whining. He threw a big fit grabbing his throat as if dying of thirst (but letting me know he was dying to talk) and wailing. I just looked at him. I told him I didn't want to hear a fit and made him go sit on his bed. He wailed the whole time and then wailed on his bed. I told him that if he didn't stop that he was also getting a spanking. Then I let my tongue get the better of me and snapped at him. I knew I was wrong immediately after I'd said it but I was so frustrated that I didn't care. I had to get off to my bathroom and lock the door for a little prayer to stay calm with the children that I love. Grrr. But I was still feeling really fowl. I was stomping around the house and they were staying out of my way. I had to ask forgiveness for snapping and stomping. They forgave.

To continue my story, Little Mister quickly finished crying then came to my room to ask if he could get up. Only, he whined while he asked. I told him I wasn't listening to whining, it hurt my ears. So he attempted to ask me three more times (I should have only let him ask once) each time whining and each time I repeated it back to him in the way I wanted him to say it. I was beginning to get really upset. I told him that he had no more chances but would have to sit on his bed once again until I called him. Of course this made him let out another wail. I told him to quiet down or there would be a spanking. When I let him up he FINALLY chose to ask in the right way.

We have continued this throughout the day. As I write, he yet again, came in complaining about some toy the girls have that he doesn't. (AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!) This time I didn't snap. Must be a miracle. I told him to sit on his bed. He started crying and saying that he forgot. Forgot? Are you kidding me?! I DON'T CARE!!! I told him that was too bad, he still had to sit on his bed without a fit before I would let him get up. Thankfully, each time he's coming around a little faster.

Maybe it comes to the point of breakdown before I really see what I need to see. Because later it occured to me that what I've seen lately with my eldest daughter snapping at her siblings may actually be coming from me. I hate it when that happens! OR maybe it's because there are some things her siblings are doing that I'm not seeing and I need to be more observant and empathetic to her. Anyway, I need wisdom and a little sleep probably wouldn't hurt. I didn't get much last night so that might be where all this is coming from. If you think about it, send up a prayer for me today. I'm still feeling grumpy.

Found Something

I found a scripture in my reading today that really jumped out at me in answer to my "How Honest Is Honest?" question. It's Proverbs 28:23 (Living) "In the end, people appreciate frankness more than flattery." Hmmm. Tell me what you think.

Pancake Day!

For anyone who doesn't know, this is National Pancake Day. I am not kidding. Because of this, you can get a FREE short stack of pancakes (three) at International House of Pancakes today! (One stack per person) What a deal! We already ate there this morning and no, there was no catch and the line was not out the door. In fact, we were seated right away (and there were eight of us because we met friends there). So, if your family likes breakfast for dinner, load 'em up! Happy Pancake Day! :)

How Honest Is Honest?

I feel like I am an honest person. But sometimes the boundaries get blurred. How honest is honest? If a friend asks me how she looks in a dress, should I tell her that she looks like a whale being squeezed into a baby leotard? Of course I know I should say everything in love. So that doesn't seem very loving. But then, Jesus called the Pharisees a "brood of vipers" and such. That doesn't sound very nice! Don't lecture me, I know He's God and knew what He was doing, yada, yada... But still. Rahab lied to the soldiers to save the spies. That wasn't honest. But yet, she is exalted in Hebrews for that.

I have the "nice" syndrom. You know, "If you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all". Now, I don't always live by that, but it does clatter around in my head. So when someone hurts my feelings, I tend to struggle through confronting them. Instead of telling them they were rude and hurt my feelings, I tend to pull away from the relationship (at least for a little while).

I have a friend that is amazingly willing to speak her thoughts no matter who is around or what opposite opinions they may possess. She doesn't seem daunted in the least if someone disagrees with her. She listens and answers accordingly. Sometimes her opinion will change but if it doesn't, she is not afraid to say so and even enter a debate. If someone asks her to do something and she doesn't want to, she says no. Says no? With no explaination? Is that allowed? If someone hurts her feelings she addresses it on the spot. I have the greatest respect for this person because she can do what I cannot; be direct and not be ashamed of it. No apologies. She says what she means. Is that okay? Isn't there some line that shouldn't be crossed? I'm having trouble knowing where that line should be.

So I'm asking, how honest is honest?

Cleaning Out

Lately I have been cleaning out. I'm trying to keep only the things that I love or that are used often in our home. In pursuit of trying to be more servant minded (see previous blogs), I've decided everyday to ask my husband if I can help him with anything or if there is something he would like me to do. I winced the first time I asked expecting to hear a list. But the only thing he asked was that I work our room (especially the closet). Closet done. Check!

The next day I asked the same question. I think he was still in shock that the thing he'd asked actually got done. So he said just to work on cleaning out our room (especially under the desk). So that day, I cleaned out under our desk. There were boxes and baskets under there with stuff thrown in. It really didn't take me more than thirty minutes to get it all cleared out and put away. Why have I been procrastinating that? Under desk. Check!

On and on throughout the week, I asked him every day if there was anything I could do for him and every day it was the same room. I had to laugh to myself because I am always trying to keep the front rooms tidy in case company comes by. But here my sweet husband was wishing the bedroom would be cleared out and that was my dumping ground! No wonder the poor guy didn't rest well.

Bit by bit our room has come together. I still have the top of the desk to clear out and drawers to go through but I think soon this room is going to be in tip top shape! I'll have to say, it makes me feel lighter already. Flylady (I know I keep talking about her, but I can't help it, I love her approach!) has taught me how to do it in little steps at a time so it doesn't take me all day to do the task because I'm not one of those born organized people.

Ironically, the rest of the house has started shaping up too. It's like once I got on a de-cluttering roll, I wanted to de-clutter everywhere! On Little Mister's favorite show, Bob the Builder, they have the slogan, "Reduce, Reuse, Recycle"! I've heard it so many times maybe it's actually sinking into my subconscious. ;)

Fear

Fear - I'll call it like it is. It's so much easier to say, "Stressed" or "Anxious" or whatever. But the truth is that there are times I am paralyzed by fear. I hate it! I wish I didn't fear anything but God. That's how it should be. I unloaded on God yesterday and today about all my fears. He's so gracious and kind to take those burdens and just move them onto his big shoulders.

Last night we had a big dinner at the University President's house. I was scared to death. I was worried about what to wear, how to talk, etc. It was SO silly. Why be scared? They're just people! But I was. It turned out fine. The people were sweet. The food was delicious. It was formal but it's good to have those times once in a while (to remind you which forks to eat what food with). I'll have to admit I was happy to take off my heels and get into my comfy pajamas!

Then there is that fear of not having enough finances. I guess everyone struggles with this on some level. Sometimes I get so frustrated because I wish we didn't have to think about it. But it's always there looming in the background.

The night before, little mister came to our bed around 3:00 a.m. because of a bad dream. I tucked him in next to Daddy and went to the couch. I tossed and turned for hours after that which is really strange for me because I am one of those people who can fall asleep anytime, anywhere. I do not have insomnia problems but that night I could not get back to sleep. So I just started praying. I figured God had my undivided attention. My mother-in-law kept coming to my mind. She is having some health issues right now. Thoughts of what we should do about it kept coming to my mind. Two days later Hubby talked to me about some of these very things. Weird? I don't think so. I think God knew I needed the head's up.

Why do I fear when God is ahead of me all the time? Why are my shoulders tight and I can feel a tension headache is on the way? Why can't I trust Him? Do I honestly think I'm the better guide? Once again I need to be reminded to rest and not to fear.

Lost

For those of you who have wondered what the big hype about this show "Lost" is, I have some good news. Tonight they are airing a two hour special of the Pilot 1 and 2. You can see how it all began. Of course, next week they'll be back to the story line and then you'll once again be...lost.

I Can Wear Everything In My Closet!

I really can! I can wear everything in my closet. Not because I've lost weight but because I emptied about half of it! I am so sick of pulling clothes out of the closet only to remember why I don't wear it. Some various reasons are:

• It's got a stain of who-knows-what right in the middle of the shirt.
• Too small.
• The color makes me look dead.
• Too short.
• Shows too much neck (I'm not 20, you know!).
• Too long.
• Makes me look frumpy.
• Too big (not many of those these days).
• I just plain hate it.
  

P.S. If you are as disorganized as I am or have trouble keeping your house from becoming chaos you should check out the Flylady website. Sorry, I still don't know how to link it but the website is www.flylady.com.

Growing Up Is Hard To Do

This week I've been doing some major growing up. Two significant things happened that made me feel those growing pains.

FIRST: I had THE talk with my eldest daughter. I have been praying about this for awhile. I had planned to tell her on Monday but I just didn't feel ready. Then Valentine's Day was Tuesday and I didn't really want to do it then. I was procrastinating. It was something I had been dreading because I was being a perfectionist about it. Wanting to say the "perfect" things and such. So when it actually happened it took me by surprise. She asked if we could have some alone talk time (which she asks quite regularly). So we snuggled together and started talking. Before long she was asking more questions. I prayed a silent prayer and took the jump. In spite of my fears, it turned out to be a sweet mother and daughter time that we will probably treasure for the rest of our lives.

SECOND: I have come to the realization that I do NOT like to serve. Yep! That's right. I do NOT like it. And what did I read in the Bible OVER and OVER this week? Uh-huh. In a nutshell, to follow Christ I must be willing to give up my life and be willing to serve. Whaaa!!!!!!! I don't want to.

And yet I do want to. So I decided it was time to grow up. Throughout the next few days when I didn't want to serve, I did it anyway. It was so difficult in moments but something strange began to happen. Quabbles began to cease, laughter entered and everyone felt loved. Weirdly enough, I felt loved too. I guess God does know what He's talking about. Still, growing up is hard to do.

Can't Blog

Sorry guys my computer is down. I won't be writing or checking blogs for a bit. Pray for me through this time of withdrawal.

Thursday Already?!

I don't know what it is with me this week but I feel two days behind. Maybe it's because I haven't accomplished what I wanted to, so I'm not wanting the week to end yet!

On Valentine's Day we decided to have dinner with Hubby's Mom who lives alone. Her husband with Alzheimers lives in a home nearby and we were going to take him some candy. We stopped at Albertsons to pick up some fried chicken (didn't want to wait at any of the restaurants). Hubby ran in to get the chicken while my kids and I waited in the van. Little Mister played commentary to everyone coming out of the store. "This lady bought a card." "This man bought pop." "This man is carrying a vase of flowers." Cheering and clapping errupted for every man coming out of the store with something romantic like chocolates or flowers. I'm sure that the people could hear us because we were parked right by the door and my kids were REALLY loud. I couldn't help laughing and almost cheering myself. I guess it's our new Valentine's Day family game. I wonder if we could market it?

I watched LOST last night and am pleasantly surprised that it continues to get more suspenseful and curious. I am intrigued. If you didn't see it last night and you are a fan, stop reading because I might spoil something for you. Did anyone notice that the officer working with Sayid had a picture of his young daughter - a young Kate? Remember her dad is an officer because she goes to see him at his office before she runs off? Anyway, I think it's cool how every flashback seems to have another link to a castaway on the island in the present. Creative writing! I give them my two thumbs up.

Outcome (Part 2)

I have to tell you the outcome of the "word picture" to my son. Tonight I let him play for a little bit on the computer. I was helping him when Little Miss came into the room. She walked over to see what he was playing. Then she gently bent down to kiss his cheek. He didn't turn his face away, run, or yell at her. He simply let her give him a kiss. She gave me stunned look and walked happily out the door. Little Mister had a smile on his face and shot me a quick glance. I leaned down and whispered in his ear, "That was really sweet!" Later, I found them together at the computer. Little Miss was helping him win a game that he can never conquer. Sigh. If only every moment could be as sweet.

Tomorrow, that boy is getting some kisses!

Word Picture (Part 1)

Today my son refused to give kisses to my eldest daughter. This has started becoming a common thing. I think he sees it as a game even though I've talked to him about hurting her feelings. My parents had recommended giving him a word picture. How would he feel if I didn't kiss him or want him to kiss me? Well, I asked him that question again today to which he said (as he usually does), "I wouldn't care. I would just go play." Usually that is when I start emploring him to think about it but today I decided to do something different.

I said, "Well, if you wouldn't care, then I think we'll do an experiment today. I won't kiss you or let you kiss me for the rest of today." He exploded into tears. I pulled him close to me and asked him why he was crying. He said, "That means you won't tuck me in tonight." I told him that I would still tuck him in but that we just wouldn't kiss. He stopped crying but seemed to be thinking about all this. I told him that I loved him but that I wanted him to see how his actions make Little Miss feel.

So we parted and went on about our day. I was doing our Read Aloud and we were all snuggling. He looked at me after we were finished and I could tell that he wanted to lean over for a kiss but knew that he couldn't. I smiled at him and kept busy. He sat for a few minutes and it seemed that he was really contemplating it. I am hoping that this day will help him be compassionate. I don't believe that anyone should be forced to give affection but I do believe they should understand how withholding it can hurt someone. I hope he's "getting" it because frankly, I think this experiment is harder on Mommy than it is on him!

Happy Chocolate, ur, I mean Valentine's Day!!

I am a victim of commercials. I watched one incredible commercial over and over that showed luscious chocolate being poured into a round hollow chocolate candy truffle. I began craving them badly and hoped that my husband was taking the hint as I drooled all over the floor. Last night I ran a quick errand to K-Mart to get some last minute items. As I stood in the check-out line waiting for the person in front of me to get through, I glanced over at the candy section that they always have right there to lure you into buying something. I was just looking at it out of boredom when I saw them. There on the bottom shelf almost hidden from sight was a beautiful bag full of the VERY truffles from the commercial. I bought a bag. After I put all the kids to bed, I made myself a hot cup of coffee to go with my chocolates and then sat down to enjoy them. As much as I hate to admit it, I gave in to the sale. But, I must also say that that commercial was completely truthful. Those truffles were delicious! (And no, you can't have any.)

Snack?

My little boy LOVES to wrestle. I know I've probably said it before but he really does. From the moment Daddy enters the house he is hounded with the question, "Can we wrestle now, Daddy?" Over and over. The boy is persistent, I'll give him that. One of my favorite Little Mister sayings of late is, "I'm gonna snack you, Daddy!" Of course he means he's going to "smack" him but he just can't quite get it right.

Day of Refreshment

Note: If you are having an especially awful day, do not continue reading.

My parents asked to have our kids for the weekend and asked that I bring them up on Thursday night. Translation: I have a free weekend and Friday all to myself! So, what did I do, you ask? Ahhhh...

I started off my morning by Bible study in complete quiet. Then I got ready for the day because I wanted to be able to take off at any moment. I read and wrote blogs briefly before dashing off to a haircut appointment. I was trying out a new stylist in my salon and I was pleasantly suprised when she cut my hair exactly like I asked her to! I left the Salon happy with the "do". By that point it was late in the morning, nearing 11:30 so I decided to treat myself to lunch. I went to Panera Bread and ate lunch all by myself. (Don't feel sorry for me, I loved it!) Then I drove to Barnes and Noble to browse. I think there must be a place like that in Heaven only everything should be free. ;) Of course, I got myself a Starbucks coffee to enjoy and bought a magazine I was looking at. I came home and talked with some friends on the phone. Then I fixed myself a hot bath and soaked with my favorite books for about an hour. After that, I gave myself a manicure and pedicure. I read a little more then turned the television on to watch a few shows that are not on the children's channels. I fixed dinner (the only work that I did all day and it was frozen pizza at that). Hubby came home and we had a nice chat over dinner. He had somewhere to be so he left and I went to a friend's house to watch the third movie of Anne of Green Gables (I don't remember the name). I came home late and finally crashed into bed. Then I didn't get up this morning until after 10:00 a.m. That is the full extent of my "day off".

Today I am working on my house. Sniff, sniff.

Angel Food

I would like to spread the word about Angel Food Ministries because it's been such a blessing to our family. For only $25 you can get a box full of predetermined food for a week's worth of groceries. The food is perfect for our family and the box contains a good amount of meat in it everytime (we can make a box go almost two weeks even with the five of us). You pay for the box when you order it. My Father's House Church is where I order and pick mine up. They are incredibly organized and have a drive through where they bring the box to your car. The only other requirement is that you bring a medium size box to exchange for the box you will recieve (that way they never run out of boxes). It's open for ANYONE to order and you may order as many boxes as you like. It's worth taking a look! The menu and sites that you can order from are listed on the website: www.angelfoodministries.com. (Sorry, I still haven't figured out how to link this so you'll just have to look it up.)

Hubby's B-Day!

Today is my sweet Hubby's birthday. He is quite a character! He can be the calm in the midst of a storm (as in when I'm storming around the house trying to get ready for company), the comedian (when he gets on a roll, there's no shutting him down), the quiet listener (especially late at night when I'm on a rampage), the honest counselor (I love and hate this one), the storyteller (He can make me cry or make me laugh until I cry), the romantic (He proposed to me on his birthday. It was a big con because he had me thinking that his friends and I were throwing him a surprise party but the surprise was on me!), and most of all a follower of God (He reaches out to people that others wouldn't mess with). I love him! Happy Birthday, Honey!

Wailing Mister

Tonight we had our missionary friends over for dinner before they leave again to go back home. It was so much fun visiting. My kids were doing all their "tricks" for them. Little Lady was demonstrating her gymnastic abilities while Little Mister demonstrated his version. Our friend asked how Little Lady had learned all that and I explained that she'd taken a class but that she'd always been a gifted little gymnist.

After our company left, I was hearding my crew to bed. They were worn out and quite cranky. Little Mister started wailing about something and I couldn't understand what he was saying. All I could translate from it was that he thought I'd said something mean and something about gymnastics. Little Miss yelled the interpretation from the other room. I had hurt his feelings by saying that Little Lady was a good gymnist but not saying anything about him. Poor little thing. I asked his forgiveness. He forgave me so we kissed and hugged. But he was still sniffling as he went to bed. I felt bad that I hurt his feelings. But then I also don't want to set the standard that everytime I give his sisters a compliment that I must dote one on him as well. Hmmm. I'll have to think on that one.

Tidbits

Last night, I told Little Mister to brush his teeth. He whined that he wasn't feeling good enough to brush them. So I told him to go get in bed if he was feeling bad. He said, "Well, I'm not feeling bad to play just bad to brush my teeth." Uh-huh. Needless to say, the boy brushed his teeth.

Little Lady asked me today why my nails weren't growing long since I'm not biting them. I explained that since I've had my nails short for so long that I clip them because they bother me when they're too long. She gave me a sympathetic pat along with a sweet little "Awww". It's nice to have empathy. Then I started clipping her nails and she asked me why she couldn't have long ones. I told her that little girls usually get their nails dirty and it could grow bacteria so I want her nails short until she's old enough to take good care of them. Her face twisted and she teasingly asked, "Could I grow a tree in there?" We both just started laughing. Um, no!

We played Hide and Seek the other night as a family. It was hilarious and tons of fun. At one point I was running out of spots to hide (can't fit in too many places) so I squeezed into a little spot between the wall and the dresser. I had a tall wicker basket in front of me but it only covered up to my chest. I sat there watching all my children and even my husband walk by me. No one was finding me. It was quite thrilling! Finally, after my legs were starting to cramp, Little Lady caught sight of me (it was her fifth trip past me). My legs were happy to be found! I think I'll be keeping that hiding spot in my back pocket.

My sister had some funny things happen Sunday while she was leading worship at their church and it reminded me of some funny happenings from times past for me. Once I started a song over three times because in my head I was singing a melody that was very similar to the song but on the fifth note went to a very different and wrong note. I tried it three times until finally the pianist sang out the RIGHT note so that we could get on past it. My face was bright red!

Another time I was singing a special in church service. We had two services and I needed to nurse my baby in between. I sang in the first service and it went fine. I hurried to the nursery to nurse baby so that I could get back in time for the second service. As I finished with baby, a friend came into the nursing room and we started talking. I realized after a bit that I needed to hurry. I wasn't too worried because we usually had a long song service. As I walked to the sanctuary I saw the Education minister and he told me they were looking for me in the service. I laughed because he was usually a real prankster so I didn't think anything of it. Once I got close to the auditorium I could hear the Pastor speaking. I felt panic rising in me because I was supposed to sing before he preached. Too late. I had missed my cue. I found out later that the pianist (another one) had thrown something together and just played. Can I just say that I love pianists?

Train Wreck

Yesterday a friend of ours spoke in church and he was talking about how our lives can sometimes be like a train wreck. Sometimes the cause is consequences to our sin and other times the cause is God. God? Yes. As in the case of Mary and Joseph, she is pregnant but no one know it's from God and everyone probably shunned her, including family. Then when Joseph knows and he takes her to be his wife it probably looked like it was his baby, again scorned. Then they get to Bethlehem for the census and not even the worst Inns (whorehouses) had any room to spare. So they ended up in a cave/stable where she went into labor and had the Messiah. It sounds like train wreck. Where was God? Couldn't He get them the nicest Inn at the best part of town? Yes, but He didn't. Why? I don't know. Maybe so the Messiah could relate to everyone's situation. Whatever the reason, I trust it was a good one. The point is that Mary and Joseph could have felt forsaken but they weren't. It was orchestrated.

This message came at such a timely moment for me. That very morning I had had a pity-party. I was feeling like I was being punished even though I had been following Him. Shouldn't things be going great? Shouldn't I be getting blessings? I was demanding good things come from my obedience. This message was timely for me to take a second look into Scripture. "For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope." Romans 15:4 (NIV)

Hubby Home!

Late last night my Hubby made it home from his trip. This morning when he awoke he was greeted by three excited kids. They were screaming "Daddy! Daddy!!!" Everyone was talking to him at once. I just sat back and enjoyed watching for a change. Daddy, of course, came back bearing a gift for everyone. He's good about that and very creative! It was like a mini-Christmas morning.

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On another note, I've realized that I've been too focused on how hard it is to give up my idols lately and haven't been seeing how incredible life is without them. I've decided to stop my petty whining and just enjoy the treasures God brings along the way. Especially His incredible presence. Is it possible to be completely consumed with God? Can all the hours that I've devoted to other things now be transferred to Him? I'm beginning to think it can. I'm not sure of the particulars but I'm enjoying the process of learning. If you have any tips please feel free to share!